"Who are you punishing for the sins that someone else committed?" Think about that with me for a minute. You cannot tell me that doesn't hit a chord in your heart somewhere. Sometimes it is easy to try to punish all men because of what one did to you. Sometimes you punish your children for reminding you of your spouse, whether it is because they hurt you and left physically or in death. Sometimes you punish yourself for what others have done to you. Who are you punishing? In attempting a dating life, I have to remind myself that the guy I am going out with isn't my dad or my ex. He may be making an innocent statement, but all I hear is the voice of another aiming to hurt me. Sometimes my son looks just like his dad. You know what I mean when I say, I cringe a bit. My mouth is saying, "Boy, you look just like your daddy right now. You cute thing." My heart is screaming, to please let him be better than his dad and even me for that matter.
I have not punished the ones that have hurt me or even had any retaliation towards them. Does that make me a super Christian or even amazingly strong? Absolutely not! I pray it means I have grown and acquired some wisdom. In a way, I made it harder on myself. I can hear the little devil in me saying, "Any time, ANY TIME you can drop that information and absolutely annihilate him. You have POWER. You did SO good not saying anything. That was smart to hold onto that nugget. Did you hear what he said to YOU? Who does he think he is talking to YOU like that?" Then the angel side of me, that has a BIG job, says, "What kind of person does that make you for retaliating? You would be just as bad as they are. It may feel good for a second, but you will be living with the consequences for a lifetime." That statement that says, "With great power comes great responsibility." How true that is. We get hurt or someone "wrongs" us. We do not do anything about it or we stay in a marriage where the trust is broken, but boy do we make them pay.
Every day I try to be a better person. Every day, I get hit with something that just about turns me inside out. Sometimes it gets to me when I get on FB and I see people ranting and raving about their problems or about the "friends" they have that has betrayed them. I want to say "Hey pot! Who are you calling kettle?" Really, how many times do we do that? Maybe not is a public forum but we do rant and rave and put ourselves up on a pedestal and think how good we were for not saying what we were really thinking. I do it ALL THE TIME. Bless the little heart of the angel in my head (that may or may not be a little malnutrition-ed) that tries to get my attention above the little devil's voice. Who am I to punish anyone? Who am I to say, I am sooo much better then them? I have had to humbly ask for forgiveness and feel like I was two inches tall and just pray for total forgiveness. Have I not wronged other people? Am I perfect? I am not going to lie, I have talked to myself as if I was talking to that person and just let them have it. In my mind they felt so repentant and remorseful and like like a nobody and then I graciously forgave them. Once I indignantly get done with my fantasy, the ramifications of that act hit me full force. How would I feel if it were me? The reason it is so hard to forgive is because we have to forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. Isn't that what God did for us? What makes us better than God?
Sometimes it is a DAILY struggle not to punish the "deserving". I thank God that He forgave me. I thank God that He has brought me to a place that I have grown and know that punishing someone never serves that person as good as God punishing them. I fail at this, but I pray that God will open my eyes and my heart where I can pray for those that I want to punish. I pray that God will show them what He showed me and if not, give me the grace to deal with the hurt, pain and sometimes confusion. I pray I will realize that it could be me and one day may be. Your punishment is.... living with yourself because I forgive you.
