This past week, we laid to rest one of my heros. She was a mother of 10 children, grandmother to 27 and great grandmother to 17 children. No matter what happened in life, she overcame it all. She fought for her family, her beliefs and her marriage. Before her last son was born, she adopted her 4 nieces. Since the day those girls were brought to her house, they were hers. She took them in and loved them as her own. She had a way to make you feel like you were her favorite. She never belittled or spoke ill of you but she was a straight shooter. Her heart was bad but her love was never not felt. She had went through personal and family struggles that she didn't speak much about to those around her. Her greatest concern was for her children and grandchildren. She loved the Lord and wanted all of those she loved to love Him too. She served him unfailingly.
When I was young, we lived on the family land. I saw grandma almost every day. She always had a great supply of pickles, popcorn, and ketchup. A sleepover at grandma's was a treat. The Disney chanel, Matlock, The Waltons, Little House on the Prairie or a western was always on. Every Sunday night we would go to her house for Avonlea. We would book it home from church and pile in front of the fireplace while grandpa snoozed in the chair after a healthy dose of popcorn. If we were lucky, dad would let us crash on the couch and we would sneak popsycles out of the freezer sometimes reaching over the most recent kill to get to the box. If Amy snuck one first, she would shreak!
I could talk to grandma about anything. She never belittled my quirks or made me feel silly for the way I felt about things. I remember complaining to her about everyone always telling me how beautiful my sister was, how she always looked just so, how her hair was never out of place... I asked her, "Why does no one say that about me? Am I not pretty?" She patted my hand and said,"One day you will blossom." I asked her the other day, "Did I blossom grandma?" She did her little "ch" laugh and said,"You blossomed beautifully."
No matter where our paths have led, there's always a path that leads back to grandma's house. She was loving and kind. She was fiesty. She was the calm in the storm. She kept the family together. She had the tenacity of a strong warrior but the gentleness to love everyone around her without question or expectation of a return of her investment. I sat by her bedside in her last hours. I thought of all the years that sped by and I was unable to come as often as I wanted. My plan to move back home didn't go exactly as I planned. That regret is strong in my mind. Every time I came to visit grandma, I felt like I stepped back in time. Nothing had changed. Grandpa and grandma were still in their chair, the sliding glass door still made a whooshing sound when it was opened, there was always a ready welcome, the smells were the same, the look was the same and the outside... well, still resembled Sanford and sons complete with guineas on the roof. I sat there trying to visualize what life would be without walking in the door and not seeing grandma in her chair, not hearing her voice on the phone or hearing her laugh. I couldn't. What I could imagine is her face when she sees her three sons that died before her or her babies she miscarried. I could see her eyes as she looked at Jesus. I could see the age in her hands disappear as she crossed into the gates. I could hear the commotion as my uncles barrelled their way through the crowd. I could almost see her look back at me and say,"It's ok Sweetie." I sat there as she struggled to breathe and decided that I wanted to send her off to Heaven by singing to her. After swallowing the lump in my throat, several times and working up my courage, I sang "Beaulah Land". I imagined that she was laying there with her eyes clothes smiling and then God pulled back the veil from her eyes and there were angels all around her bed, singing along with me. I imagined my voice fading ino the background as the angels voices got stronger. I imagined her tilting her head to the choir and seeing the host that awaited her arrival. As I held her hand, I felt as though I was holding on to her as she was inbetween this world and the next one. As she took her last breath, peace flooded my soul. It was so reassuring that she was ready, at peace and I was able to tell her "goodbye".
Grandma is now in Heaven and I miss her. It will not be the same walking into the house and seeing her chair empty. Grandpa has slept with her in his arms for 62 years and now he sleeps alone. Her last request was that we all meet her in heaven. There is comfort in knowing you will see your loved ones again. I cannot imagine not having that peace. I'm so thankful at a young age, I asked the Lord to forgive me of my sins and save me. One day, I will see her again. I pray her last request is one that is fulfilled. It was an honor to watching the homegoing of one of my heros, sing at her bedside and at her funeral. It was a comfort to be surrounded by family and see how much she was loved. These past 6 months has been a pivitol time in my life. I feel like I have seen two faithful Christians come to the end of their journey as a visual aide of how my life should be and how I desire my earthly journey to end. The Legacy that my grandma has started will be continued on through me. I pray I can earn the praise from my children and grandchildren as she did. I pray that I will be found faithful as I am sure she did. Her last request was spoken at the end of her journey but an amazing beginning for others.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
11 YEARS AGO TODAY.....
As I drove away from dropping the kids off, I thought About 11 years ago today. I didn't know that when i walked down the aisle to pledge myself to the man I thought only death would part us, that it would only last less than 10 years. I had no idea that one day I would be looking at my future and it would seem like a dark chasm. I would feel lost and instead of my world spinning out of control, I would feel as if I lost gravity and I was floating in a dark void with no direction. I had no idea that I would have a little boy and girl looking to me for guidance when I wasn't even sure what to do myself. I remember thinking that my life didn't even feel real on my wedding day and at that moment, that feeling returned. On the day I was to be married, I had no point of reference to what my life would be like and again that feeling returned when I realized we would no longer be together. On my wedding day, there was the usual drama, stress and pandemonium. The day our marriage ended, there was no one. I was alone. I sat on the grass outside and tried to find direction, to hear His voice. It felt like an injustice was done to me and to the kids. The past 9 plus years had been a waste. Then, through the rustle of the leaves, the coolness of the breeze and the noises all around me, it was if a bigger picture was revealed to me. The confusion was still there, the pain was still present, he was still gone but I knew I wasn't really alone. The decision that was made wasn't the "Lords will" for my life but I knew it would all serve a purpose.
Today, as I drove away, the song "I am not alone" by Kari Jobe came on. I do not believe it was a coincidence. I could feel His purpose for my life even stronger today than ever. I know where I'm going. I know who I will be traveling with. I know that what I have gone through has a purpose. At the time, none of it made sense. At the time, it hurt with no mercy. At the time, the impossibility of my situation loomed. Now, now, I can see that there was a path before me. At first, it was too dark to see. Each step, I took in faith. Each step, I was terrified I would fall. Every time I placed my foot, I had to get my balance again. I felt as if I was learning to walk all over again. I would walk into church and feel like I would hyperventilate. I would will my eyes to close at night so sleep would come to give me some peace from my worries and fears. But now, I go to church and I feel at home. I close my eyes and rest in peace. I know that God went through that dark chasm before I took my first step. He had a plan to make the mess I called my life into something remarkable. 11 years ago today, as I took the first steps down that aisle, I was taking steps towards who I am today. God has proved himself time and time again though He didn't need to, He did it for me. That void became an amazing new life. There has been incredible struggles but His plan for me is slowly being revealed. There are still times when the life I had before comes back in a rush. There are times when I look at my kids and grieve for what they will never know. There is also the knowledge that new people will come into to their lives that will enrich their lives far more than I would had ever thought. No matter what, God is with me. There will never be a time that He doesn't love me and be there to guide me in my journey. I am not where I thought I would be back then but I know where I am heading now. I find comfort in that and excitement that it is up to "us" where we go from here. 11 years ago today marked the timeline of my life but my life didn't end when my marriage did. It started me on a path that has been slowly revealed to me. Each day a little more light has been cast in my path and the scary shadows that danced in the darkness are now taking shape to reveal beauty all around me. The journey I thought I would travel alone I have found that I have people all around me shining their light along the way. I am walking towards a new light, a new life and no matter what happens, I know I am not alone.
Monday, December 29, 2014
DATING AFTER DIVORCE
Ever wonder what you look like from someone else’s eyes? When I started dating as a mom with 2 kids, it hit home with me in a different way. I was with someone for 10 years. What if I am not attractive? What if I will always be alone? Will the things I don’t like about myself be noticed by someone else? My mind went a thousand different directions at once. One thing I didn't count on was feeling like I needed to be who they thought I should be. I have always been pretty confident and definitely a bit of a stubborn streak. I realized I was doubting who I was, how I felt, what my intuition was saying and what was right for me because I was weighing out my emotions, the words that echoed in my mind from my ex, others and trying to find what I really wanted. I was confident but unsure. I was ready but terrified. I thought I was being choosy and trying to not be too “hard” on the guys a dated and ended up sacrificing some standards and “requirements” I had for myself and for them. I knew what didn't work and what didn't work for me but in my mind, I didn't know what to listen to? I wondered if I could even trust my judgment.
I discovered that you do have to sift through what you have heard, been told, see, feel and want as you are dating. It is definitely more important once you've been divorced and even more so if you have children. After a few errors in judgment and doubting myself, I set up some things I knew I required in my life. It wasn't an unreasonable list. It was just a few things that I knew would help me maintain sanity, insure I would find someone suitable to help me raise my kids and be a spiritual teammate as well. I have been alone for a while in the past 12 years in my life. I wasn't 100% sure if I could live with someone else and allow them to be around my kids either. I took a step back to determine what I could handle, what I needed and what I would allow. This wasn't an easy task at first. There are so many emotions, scars and voices you hear after you have been divorced. It is hard to determine if you are being logical or living in a fantasy world. I also had two people I trusted that knew who I am now and didn't judge me for who I have been in the past to bounce things off of and meet the guys that would make it to the second week mark.
There is no perfect person. There is no perfect body. There is no one in this world that doesn't have scars and baggage of some sort. Now that that has been established, you can be honest with yourself. I personally believe someone that has been through hard times is more beautiful if they have allowed God to shape them through it. There is such a thing as “beautifully broken”. If you have a doubt about someone, listen to yourself. If they know all the right things to say, that’s probably too good to be true. If they make you melt and fighting mad in the same night but are still holding hands by the end of it is not a bad thing.
DO NOT SETTLE!!! There are much more important things than a six pack of abs and a cleft chin.
DO NOT BE UNREASONABLE!!! If you aren't sure if you are doing either of the two, that’s where the friend or family member comes in.
Put your kids first in your decision making. I do not allow my kids to determine my life but they should benefit from this decision too. It isn't their fault that this situation happened. Who you date/marry, should benefit them not hurt or replace them. They shouldn't be able to cancel your date unless they are sick but they should help determine who you date. I look at the man I am dating and ask myself, “If Jayden became more of who he is in 10 years, would I like who Jayden has become? If Chloe married a man like the one I am dating, would I like her choice?” If the answer to that is a question or no, DROP HIM!!! You don’t need that and neither do your kids. You don’t want to go from bad to worse.
Don’t listen to everyone. Everyone will have an opinion about your life and who you date. Predetermine who you give veto power and hang the rest.
Do you like roller coasters? If you don’t, get off this ride!!! Dating is a HUGE roller-coaster. There are highs, lows, corkscrews and times when you feel like you want to hurl! Sometimes you will be flying high and so excited and then a red flag will pop up and you are back to square one. You find yourself lower than when you started dating. You will be so low and then you will risk it and go out again and be back on top. Just know that going into it.
Be yourself! If God took the time to thoughtfully plan out your life, what He would allow you to go through and be with you every step of the way, don’t you think He would have prepared someone that suits you just right? It is even possible to find someone that not only is a Christian but has the same beliefs, desires and has a similar background as you as well. He went through all that trouble but is incapable of making someone complimentary to you….? That’s not even logical. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, DROP THEM!! You don’t need that craziness.
Be choosy. You don’t know where he’s been, who he’s been with and if he can be trusted…..yet.
Just know if it is in God’s plan for you to not be alone, then alone you will not be. I started praying that God would take away my desires to share my life with someone if it wasn't in His plan. Having that desire unfulfilled was too much. Two agonizing weeks later, I met someone. The timing isn't the same for everyone but the possibility is.
Dating is hard anyway but adding in a divorce and kids?!?!?! CrAzY. Don’t do it unless you are ready, can take criticism and can allow someone to veto someone you like. Lastly, HAVE FUN!!! It can be an adventure, a crazy mess, great girl’s night material and lessons learned. There’s no requirement to say “yes” to a date and you don’t have to marry someone you go out with a few times. I am in no way an expert but I have learned a few things and have been asked a lot about my advice on dating after divorce lately. So, here it is.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
CALLOUSED HANDS
As I sat in the room as the family surrounding the man who has loved them, taught them about God and created an amazing legacy for each one, my eyes were constantly drawn to his hands. Two days before, I held his hand as he was getting sick from the pain that was caused by the disease that was taking over his body. I wiped his mouth and fed him ice to soothe his throat. I remembered him momentarily lighting up as my love spoke to him before he went to sleep again. I was overwhelmed with emotions as I looked at this same man and hardly recognized him as the one I was with just two days before. This man has shaped each person in the room and so many more that were not able to sit by his bedside.
I watched as the man I love held his grandpa's hand. I saw those two calloused hands joined and knew there was a much deeper bond that you could not see. Those hands represented a hard working, loving man. They no longer held tools but instead were resting on a Bible. He did not speak but he could hear everything around him. He may not be sharing the gospel but his life represented the Lord. He may not be attending church this Sunday but we had church all around him. He may not be filling up his seat in the pew but his spirit was felt. I stood there helplessly as I heard my love weeping and whispering his love and goodbyes as his grandpa's breathing became more labored. I knew that many hours, days and years they have spent together before that moment. "He is going to a better place" was spoken, but it doesn't make it hurt any less for the ones he is leaving behind. We all sat around him and celebrated the Lord's supper. We honored the One who died for us all and praised Him for preparing a place for each of us when it is our time to go home to Heaven. As I led "Because He Lives" and "Amazing Grace" we lifted our voices in song praising the One he served. He may not be long in this world but a piece of Heaven came down in that room as we celebrated the soon to be home going of an amazing, godly man.
The peace that resided in the room as prayers, love, singing and praise were taking place at the bedside of this loved one. It's amazing the calmness that surrounds believers when one of our own is fixing to go to Heaven. I held a phone as one of his grandsons Skyped saying his goodbyes from Peru, just in case he didn't get back in time. He praised his life and the influence his grandpa had on him. He said, "Everyone can see your influence in me." What an amazing statement. As I sat there, my prayer for this family that I have come to love is for God to give them grace to bear the loss, the fortitude to keep the legacy that was created thriving and pass along the truths and lessons learned from him to the ones that come after.
This man I have just met has changed me as well seeing someone have a life that so greatly represented the Lord and influence everyone around him in such a way and witnessing that for myself. Touching the lives around us in such a way that you live on through that touch, influence and love, long after you are gone. No matter when he goes home, he will always be here. The ones he left behind are his representatives. What will we do with what he taught us? Who will step up and fill his shoes as "candy man" at church? Who will be the stronger Christian and pillar of the family now? What will I do with what I have seen? I came here to support the family. I came with the intention of offering support, strength and love but I was given that instead. I was allowed into the private moments of a loving, Christian family and I stand in awe of the godly heritage before me. I believe I have been in the midst of one of the "greats". I sat, listened and watched the activity going on around the bedside and knew I would never be the same. Please say a prayer for this family as they send off the patriarch of the family to his home in Heaven.
I watched as the man I love held his grandpa's hand. I saw those two calloused hands joined and knew there was a much deeper bond that you could not see. Those hands represented a hard working, loving man. They no longer held tools but instead were resting on a Bible. He did not speak but he could hear everything around him. He may not be sharing the gospel but his life represented the Lord. He may not be attending church this Sunday but we had church all around him. He may not be filling up his seat in the pew but his spirit was felt. I stood there helplessly as I heard my love weeping and whispering his love and goodbyes as his grandpa's breathing became more labored. I knew that many hours, days and years they have spent together before that moment. "He is going to a better place" was spoken, but it doesn't make it hurt any less for the ones he is leaving behind. We all sat around him and celebrated the Lord's supper. We honored the One who died for us all and praised Him for preparing a place for each of us when it is our time to go home to Heaven. As I led "Because He Lives" and "Amazing Grace" we lifted our voices in song praising the One he served. He may not be long in this world but a piece of Heaven came down in that room as we celebrated the soon to be home going of an amazing, godly man.
The peace that resided in the room as prayers, love, singing and praise were taking place at the bedside of this loved one. It's amazing the calmness that surrounds believers when one of our own is fixing to go to Heaven. I held a phone as one of his grandsons Skyped saying his goodbyes from Peru, just in case he didn't get back in time. He praised his life and the influence his grandpa had on him. He said, "Everyone can see your influence in me." What an amazing statement. As I sat there, my prayer for this family that I have come to love is for God to give them grace to bear the loss, the fortitude to keep the legacy that was created thriving and pass along the truths and lessons learned from him to the ones that come after.
This man I have just met has changed me as well seeing someone have a life that so greatly represented the Lord and influence everyone around him in such a way and witnessing that for myself. Touching the lives around us in such a way that you live on through that touch, influence and love, long after you are gone. No matter when he goes home, he will always be here. The ones he left behind are his representatives. What will we do with what he taught us? Who will step up and fill his shoes as "candy man" at church? Who will be the stronger Christian and pillar of the family now? What will I do with what I have seen? I came here to support the family. I came with the intention of offering support, strength and love but I was given that instead. I was allowed into the private moments of a loving, Christian family and I stand in awe of the godly heritage before me. I believe I have been in the midst of one of the "greats". I sat, listened and watched the activity going on around the bedside and knew I would never be the same. Please say a prayer for this family as they send off the patriarch of the family to his home in Heaven.
Monday, November 17, 2014
ROLLEY POLLEY
Remember when you were a kid and you found a "rolley polley"? When you pick them up, they would roll into a ball. As long as you were holding them, they couldn't be coaxed out of that ball.
Tonight, I realized that I have been that rolley polley for a long time. I have heard that I need to look like this girl or that. I need to lose weight or change my style. I have seen the one I was married to walk a distance away to give the allusion we weren't together although at the time, we were. I have been made to feel like there was something wrong with me because of the way that God made me. The gifts, strengths and weaknesses that were created in me were not right so I have had to fight myself and natural tendencies to make another happy. I would feel completely alone in a crowded room. I didn't sing, smile easily or even laugh much at all. I gained weight and was miserable. My body was dying from the inside out because my spirit was broken. I learned to protect myself from these hurts. I learned to use laughter as a defense mechanism. I learned how to skim off the top about my story so no one knew "too much" to later use it against me when it suited them. No matter who was around me, I would not relinquish myself from that little protective ball I was in and then.....
A few months ago, I moved to the city of Durham. Honestly, I do not like the city as a whole. I started attending an amazing church that has become a big part of my healing. I feel needed, loved and wanted. I believe it was because of that my heart was prepared for the next steps in my life. This journey to the eastern side of state hasn't been easy. As a matter of fact, it has gotten much harder in some ways. I now can see that the crossroads I was at, was a pivotal moment in my life. It was here that I started allowing myself to open again and allow myself to find healing in a new way.
I have met a lot of nice guys in my dating experience and some that have been quite interesting. I became very frustrated and started praying that God would take away my desire to want to be a wife again. The need to share my life with someone and to be loved the way God intended. It was too hard to have those desires and not have them fulfilled. It was more frustrating and exhausting that anything and then......
At first, when I would get compliments and doting, I would laugh and wonder if I was in the middle of a joke that I wasn't aware of. The constant thinking the best of me at all times was enough to make me stop and look at the eyes, body language and really listen to the voice fluctuation of the one saying those things, just to ensure the sincerity of the giver. Slowly, I began to relax and "unroll" from my little ball. That ball kept me protected. Now, I have no protection. Now, I am a part of something that I always felt was possible but never believed it for myself. The way that I am, my personality, gifts, looks, shape, size, laugh, style, etc is not only "good enough" but just right. Who I am is wanted and not just for what I can give. Just think of all I would have missed out on if I would have stayed in that tight little ball.
I have found that I cannot protect my heart because you cannot protect what you aren't in possession of. I gave God my heart as I prayed for those desires to be taken away and asked Him to give it to whomever He deems worthy, even if it was only to Him. In this relationship, I do not fear for myself anymore. Now, I know what real is. You don't realize you haven't had something real until you experienced something genuine for yourself. Where our journey will lead, only God knows. I do know that the little ball I have unknowingly created for myself is no longer something I can do anymore.
I am on an emotional roller coaster but I am not rolled up, eyes closed feeling every jerk, hill, or corkscrew and dreading every possibility. I have my hands straight up in the air, eyes wide open, a goofy grin on my face and a laugh in my voice. Now this is a ride that I have been waiting in line for for a long time and I am going to enjoy every moment of the ups and downs, highs and lows and not knowing what is around the corner.
Tonight, I realized that I have been that rolley polley for a long time. I have heard that I need to look like this girl or that. I need to lose weight or change my style. I have seen the one I was married to walk a distance away to give the allusion we weren't together although at the time, we were. I have been made to feel like there was something wrong with me because of the way that God made me. The gifts, strengths and weaknesses that were created in me were not right so I have had to fight myself and natural tendencies to make another happy. I would feel completely alone in a crowded room. I didn't sing, smile easily or even laugh much at all. I gained weight and was miserable. My body was dying from the inside out because my spirit was broken. I learned to protect myself from these hurts. I learned to use laughter as a defense mechanism. I learned how to skim off the top about my story so no one knew "too much" to later use it against me when it suited them. No matter who was around me, I would not relinquish myself from that little protective ball I was in and then.....
A few months ago, I moved to the city of Durham. Honestly, I do not like the city as a whole. I started attending an amazing church that has become a big part of my healing. I feel needed, loved and wanted. I believe it was because of that my heart was prepared for the next steps in my life. This journey to the eastern side of state hasn't been easy. As a matter of fact, it has gotten much harder in some ways. I now can see that the crossroads I was at, was a pivotal moment in my life. It was here that I started allowing myself to open again and allow myself to find healing in a new way.
I have met a lot of nice guys in my dating experience and some that have been quite interesting. I became very frustrated and started praying that God would take away my desire to want to be a wife again. The need to share my life with someone and to be loved the way God intended. It was too hard to have those desires and not have them fulfilled. It was more frustrating and exhausting that anything and then......
At first, when I would get compliments and doting, I would laugh and wonder if I was in the middle of a joke that I wasn't aware of. The constant thinking the best of me at all times was enough to make me stop and look at the eyes, body language and really listen to the voice fluctuation of the one saying those things, just to ensure the sincerity of the giver. Slowly, I began to relax and "unroll" from my little ball. That ball kept me protected. Now, I have no protection. Now, I am a part of something that I always felt was possible but never believed it for myself. The way that I am, my personality, gifts, looks, shape, size, laugh, style, etc is not only "good enough" but just right. Who I am is wanted and not just for what I can give. Just think of all I would have missed out on if I would have stayed in that tight little ball.
I have found that I cannot protect my heart because you cannot protect what you aren't in possession of. I gave God my heart as I prayed for those desires to be taken away and asked Him to give it to whomever He deems worthy, even if it was only to Him. In this relationship, I do not fear for myself anymore. Now, I know what real is. You don't realize you haven't had something real until you experienced something genuine for yourself. Where our journey will lead, only God knows. I do know that the little ball I have unknowingly created for myself is no longer something I can do anymore.
I am on an emotional roller coaster but I am not rolled up, eyes closed feeling every jerk, hill, or corkscrew and dreading every possibility. I have my hands straight up in the air, eyes wide open, a goofy grin on my face and a laugh in my voice. Now this is a ride that I have been waiting in line for for a long time and I am going to enjoy every moment of the ups and downs, highs and lows and not knowing what is around the corner.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
SAYING GOODBYE
Lately, I have heard and read a lot of people telling a loved on goodbye to their friends, social networking sights and in the newspaper. It never ceases to amaze me that they have waited until they are gone to tell them how they feel about them and how much they have impacted their lives. Can we not see that it is too late? All that is, is a feeble attempt to release the guilt we have from not speaking up sooner and helping us with the grieving process.
Why wait? Who is it in our lives that has made a big impact on us? Why not tell them now? What would you tell them if you were writing their epitaph and telling them goodbye? Write it down!! Act as if you just found out that they had died and give them the best send off words can write, then give it to them. Whether it is in your comfort zone or not, don't wait until they do not get any gratification from it. Say it now when it can do the most good.
On the other hand, what would our own farewell speech say? What would people say about us if we weren't around anymore? Would there be a void, a great loss? What would your kids do? Would they be prepared for your absence? Would you leave behind a mess? If I was taken tomorrow, what would people say about me when they heard? Would there be a line going out the doors for my viewing or would we close up early because no one came? What would happen to my kids? Would they be prepared for such a loss or would they blame God forever?
How morbid!! Maybe. Haven't you ever wondered if you were gone, would everyone feel the impact? I want my life to be a legacy. I hope to set a new record on the oldest person one of these days but if that doesn't happen, I want my life, my presence and what I have taught my kids and those around me to live on long after I am gone. I want my kids to continue in the legacy that I have help create. There is more to life than just the day to day things. Death is a big part of it as well. It's something no one wants to talk or even think about but it is a reality. I can think of several people that I would feel a piece of me was missing if they went to Heaven. Their lives, actions and love has helped shape me into who I am. Their graciousness has been given to me when I least deserved it. What a loss that this world would experience if they were gone. Why wait to tell them this? I would love to hear it if I made an impact on someone. I would love to hear my kids say "why" they love me and replay memories when they get older. I look forward to that. I want to purpose in my heart to not wait until it is too late to share the love, admiration and thankfulness that I have for those around me. In most cases there is no way I could ever "pay them back" for what they have done for me. Although, I can "pay it forward". There is no better way to say thanks than to pass on those lessons that someone else has taught you.
I have some amazingly strong men and women in my life and in my family. Their actions have spoken to me when their words couldn't get through. When I was feeling unlovable they loved me through it. When the distance increased the love and closeness that we have has not. I am so thankful for the ones God has put in my life. It is my goal to make sure that each and every one not only knows it but sees and feels it as well.
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When saying goodbye to someone and writing their farewell, it is easier when the story of their life is something amazing to tell.
Why wait? Who is it in our lives that has made a big impact on us? Why not tell them now? What would you tell them if you were writing their epitaph and telling them goodbye? Write it down!! Act as if you just found out that they had died and give them the best send off words can write, then give it to them. Whether it is in your comfort zone or not, don't wait until they do not get any gratification from it. Say it now when it can do the most good.
On the other hand, what would our own farewell speech say? What would people say about us if we weren't around anymore? Would there be a void, a great loss? What would your kids do? Would they be prepared for your absence? Would you leave behind a mess? If I was taken tomorrow, what would people say about me when they heard? Would there be a line going out the doors for my viewing or would we close up early because no one came? What would happen to my kids? Would they be prepared for such a loss or would they blame God forever?
How morbid!! Maybe. Haven't you ever wondered if you were gone, would everyone feel the impact? I want my life to be a legacy. I hope to set a new record on the oldest person one of these days but if that doesn't happen, I want my life, my presence and what I have taught my kids and those around me to live on long after I am gone. I want my kids to continue in the legacy that I have help create. There is more to life than just the day to day things. Death is a big part of it as well. It's something no one wants to talk or even think about but it is a reality. I can think of several people that I would feel a piece of me was missing if they went to Heaven. Their lives, actions and love has helped shape me into who I am. Their graciousness has been given to me when I least deserved it. What a loss that this world would experience if they were gone. Why wait to tell them this? I would love to hear it if I made an impact on someone. I would love to hear my kids say "why" they love me and replay memories when they get older. I look forward to that. I want to purpose in my heart to not wait until it is too late to share the love, admiration and thankfulness that I have for those around me. In most cases there is no way I could ever "pay them back" for what they have done for me. Although, I can "pay it forward". There is no better way to say thanks than to pass on those lessons that someone else has taught you.
I have some amazingly strong men and women in my life and in my family. Their actions have spoken to me when their words couldn't get through. When I was feeling unlovable they loved me through it. When the distance increased the love and closeness that we have has not. I am so thankful for the ones God has put in my life. It is my goal to make sure that each and every one not only knows it but sees and feels it as well.
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When saying goodbye to someone and writing their farewell, it is easier when the story of their life is something amazing to tell.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
DEAR MR. PRESIDENT.....SINCERELY A STAY AT HOME MOM
Dear Mr. President,
In light of what you said regarding stay at home mom's and that "is not a choice we want Americans to make". I respect your position as President but you obviously do not respect ours. A stay at home moms is "full and equal participants in our economy" we help make America what it is. In 1865 William Ross Wallace wrote a poem that states "The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world." It is a poem that 'praises motherhood as the preeminent force for change in the world'.
I cannot imagine what it is like to be president. To have not only America look to you but the world. What a grave responsibility. However, you seem to have forgotten what your role is and you definitely haven't a clue what a stay at home mom's role is. In part, your role is to protect our religious freedom, protect Americans from not only itself but outside forces that are sworn to destroy us. Please see the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Religious freedom doesn't include trying to encourage and make our nation a one world religion. It doesn't include letting the ones who caused such devastation that is ranked top 10 of wars ranked by Americans deaths, to come into America with open arms and build a Mosque within walking distance of where the Twin Towers were destroyed (a sign of victory for the Muslims). Now you are stating that America is a "Muslim country". Really? How about protecting Americans from outside forces, including leadership that has not had our best interests at heart?
As a mom and a former Stay at home mom, I know that you cannot be best friends with your "constituents" doing what is best for them doesn't always win you a favorable vote. Sometimes you get a pout, cold shoulder, fit or blame from that constituent or others. As president of my own home, I believe the rules are about the same. I am not babysitting my constituents and patting them on the back when they kick and scream because they don't want to participate in what is best, I am encouraging those future voters to be contributing Americans that may even change the world as we know it. It is true leadership when you know you have the power to bend someone's will for your own purposes but instead choose to teach them to make their own choices and with those choices comes consequences. I have taken that "wasted time" teaching those children absolutely EVERYTHING. As I held my children to my breast I promoted "Locally grown, all natural food", conserved energy, water and man power. When I taught my children to pray for the President, I am serving the nation as long as I do it before 9 and after 5. I taught them how to respect others even when they aren't deserving. I have taught them to honor our military because without the sacrifice of so many, we wouldn't even have a country. I have taught them to love their neighbor and not bully others into doing what they think is right, to put God first and do what He would have them to do because He is the ultimate guide. It doesn't make us weak, it makes us stronger to admit we aren't the center of the universe. There is Something/Someone greater than us. It takes a strong person to not hide behind people that only push their agenda for money or fame. That emptiness you seem to be incapable of filling is filled when you acknowledge the One you have been fighting so hard to prove that He doesn't exist. One day, I pray that my constituents will follow the example I have led. I have gotten in the "trenches" along with them. I have not written directions and pointed absentmindedly at what they should do, I have taught them every day, with my life, although an imperfect one, Not just in a public eye but behind closed doors. I have actually played with my kids in the park, thrown ball, played babies and hide and seek and know everything there is to know about their lives. When asked by Oprah if you played on the swing set with your children you started to say yes and then changed it and denied having played with them on their swing set. It seems small and insignificant but you start in your own home before you try to save the world outside it. It's called leadership. Honestly, it's hard and sometimes it really stinks. Sometimes you end the day feeling like the worst President ever but when they start to grow and change and I know it is because of those "tough times" I know I have done my job. Those poles may not show right away but the results are unmistakable. Then, it happens, my constituents start to change, resulting in our world changing for the better.
I didn't send my kids to daycare because a choice was made that those children were to be raised by the one that bore them. I do not look down on anyone that is a career mom. I absolutely am blown away by them and now have joined the force. For me, that was not even a debate when I had my children. They are smart, well-rounded and are secure even when our life has been a war zone for the past few years. There was a marriage that was destroyed unexpectedly. Doesn't seem the same to you? I beg to differ. Stay at home moms are the hardest working people there are. The pay is non existent but the benefits never run out. There may not be a car allowance, personal jets or cooks but there are happy children that are better off with a mom in their lives than not. I have gotten down to the last can of peas or not eaten for days on end so they would have enough food. I've allowed gossip and accusations to go unanswered in order to protect the ones I serve. When is the last time you have made sacrifices like that for your constituents?
Please tell me how much better it is for all these moms to flood the non-existent job market in order to make sure their "hourly pay stays competitive". Just to have their children end up in an over crowded daycare with under paid help, for those mom's to have to get on welfare because they can't find work but are trying to stay up with what you believe is best. Tell me how "we" aren't contributing to our society. Let's take it down to the basics. Without us, the world wouldn't exist. Without the ones that take on home school, being a mom and/or career woman, where would we be really? Women are the ones that change a nation. We are the ones that take on jobs we aren't even built for because our children need us. We have stepped into a "man's world" and weren't accepted but continued on no matter what the opposition. Those women were labeled and scorned but they came back day after day because their children needed them to. Our choices are to be a stay at home mom or to have a career. Either way, we are doomed.
Is this still the same America that ridiculed the working women after they decided to continue working in a "man's world" after stepping up when the newspaper articles would state, "Everyone is a helper" calling all women to aide in making heavy machinery during WWII? Can you make up your mind what you really want from us other that to act like a man while looking like a woman, don't show that we are women in our dress because we will be blasted for using our "assets" to get to the top quicker (hard work and determination couldn't be the reason) don't show emotion while trying not to have too strong maternal instincts so we won't be ridiculed in the working world. Now, thanks to you, we are ridiculed from a national platform. If mothers are the ones who rule the world, where do you think your rank will be when it's all said and done?
Again, I appreciate your position but I disagree with, well, just about everything I have ever heard you say. Thanks again for showing who you really are. I was a stay at home mom for years and I have recently been "forced" to go back to the career field along with other women that were always career women and my hourly pay has been just as high if not higher that the ones around me. These hands no longer rock a cradle but they fold in prayer. Good luck with that.
In light of what you said regarding stay at home mom's and that "is not a choice we want Americans to make". I respect your position as President but you obviously do not respect ours. A stay at home moms is "full and equal participants in our economy" we help make America what it is. In 1865 William Ross Wallace wrote a poem that states "The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world." It is a poem that 'praises motherhood as the preeminent force for change in the world'.
I cannot imagine what it is like to be president. To have not only America look to you but the world. What a grave responsibility. However, you seem to have forgotten what your role is and you definitely haven't a clue what a stay at home mom's role is. In part, your role is to protect our religious freedom, protect Americans from not only itself but outside forces that are sworn to destroy us. Please see the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Religious freedom doesn't include trying to encourage and make our nation a one world religion. It doesn't include letting the ones who caused such devastation that is ranked top 10 of wars ranked by Americans deaths, to come into America with open arms and build a Mosque within walking distance of where the Twin Towers were destroyed (a sign of victory for the Muslims). Now you are stating that America is a "Muslim country". Really? How about protecting Americans from outside forces, including leadership that has not had our best interests at heart?
As a mom and a former Stay at home mom, I know that you cannot be best friends with your "constituents" doing what is best for them doesn't always win you a favorable vote. Sometimes you get a pout, cold shoulder, fit or blame from that constituent or others. As president of my own home, I believe the rules are about the same. I am not babysitting my constituents and patting them on the back when they kick and scream because they don't want to participate in what is best, I am encouraging those future voters to be contributing Americans that may even change the world as we know it. It is true leadership when you know you have the power to bend someone's will for your own purposes but instead choose to teach them to make their own choices and with those choices comes consequences. I have taken that "wasted time" teaching those children absolutely EVERYTHING. As I held my children to my breast I promoted "Locally grown, all natural food", conserved energy, water and man power. When I taught my children to pray for the President, I am serving the nation as long as I do it before 9 and after 5. I taught them how to respect others even when they aren't deserving. I have taught them to honor our military because without the sacrifice of so many, we wouldn't even have a country. I have taught them to love their neighbor and not bully others into doing what they think is right, to put God first and do what He would have them to do because He is the ultimate guide. It doesn't make us weak, it makes us stronger to admit we aren't the center of the universe. There is Something/Someone greater than us. It takes a strong person to not hide behind people that only push their agenda for money or fame. That emptiness you seem to be incapable of filling is filled when you acknowledge the One you have been fighting so hard to prove that He doesn't exist. One day, I pray that my constituents will follow the example I have led. I have gotten in the "trenches" along with them. I have not written directions and pointed absentmindedly at what they should do, I have taught them every day, with my life, although an imperfect one, Not just in a public eye but behind closed doors. I have actually played with my kids in the park, thrown ball, played babies and hide and seek and know everything there is to know about their lives. When asked by Oprah if you played on the swing set with your children you started to say yes and then changed it and denied having played with them on their swing set. It seems small and insignificant but you start in your own home before you try to save the world outside it. It's called leadership. Honestly, it's hard and sometimes it really stinks. Sometimes you end the day feeling like the worst President ever but when they start to grow and change and I know it is because of those "tough times" I know I have done my job. Those poles may not show right away but the results are unmistakable. Then, it happens, my constituents start to change, resulting in our world changing for the better.
I didn't send my kids to daycare because a choice was made that those children were to be raised by the one that bore them. I do not look down on anyone that is a career mom. I absolutely am blown away by them and now have joined the force. For me, that was not even a debate when I had my children. They are smart, well-rounded and are secure even when our life has been a war zone for the past few years. There was a marriage that was destroyed unexpectedly. Doesn't seem the same to you? I beg to differ. Stay at home moms are the hardest working people there are. The pay is non existent but the benefits never run out. There may not be a car allowance, personal jets or cooks but there are happy children that are better off with a mom in their lives than not. I have gotten down to the last can of peas or not eaten for days on end so they would have enough food. I've allowed gossip and accusations to go unanswered in order to protect the ones I serve. When is the last time you have made sacrifices like that for your constituents?
Please tell me how much better it is for all these moms to flood the non-existent job market in order to make sure their "hourly pay stays competitive". Just to have their children end up in an over crowded daycare with under paid help, for those mom's to have to get on welfare because they can't find work but are trying to stay up with what you believe is best. Tell me how "we" aren't contributing to our society. Let's take it down to the basics. Without us, the world wouldn't exist. Without the ones that take on home school, being a mom and/or career woman, where would we be really? Women are the ones that change a nation. We are the ones that take on jobs we aren't even built for because our children need us. We have stepped into a "man's world" and weren't accepted but continued on no matter what the opposition. Those women were labeled and scorned but they came back day after day because their children needed them to. Our choices are to be a stay at home mom or to have a career. Either way, we are doomed.
Is this still the same America that ridiculed the working women after they decided to continue working in a "man's world" after stepping up when the newspaper articles would state, "Everyone is a helper" calling all women to aide in making heavy machinery during WWII? Can you make up your mind what you really want from us other that to act like a man while looking like a woman, don't show that we are women in our dress because we will be blasted for using our "assets" to get to the top quicker (hard work and determination couldn't be the reason) don't show emotion while trying not to have too strong maternal instincts so we won't be ridiculed in the working world. Now, thanks to you, we are ridiculed from a national platform. If mothers are the ones who rule the world, where do you think your rank will be when it's all said and done?
Again, I appreciate your position but I disagree with, well, just about everything I have ever heard you say. Thanks again for showing who you really are. I was a stay at home mom for years and I have recently been "forced" to go back to the career field along with other women that were always career women and my hourly pay has been just as high if not higher that the ones around me. These hands no longer rock a cradle but they fold in prayer. Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
A loving mother
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