ALL I HAVE IS ME

When I first started dating, I knew who I was and all I had to offer. I was a stay at home mom that devoted my life to my kids and their dad. I didn't have rock hard abs, money in the bank, stocks, bonds, an inheritance, a new car or even a house. It was just us. There was one thing I've always had was my word. I'm blatantly honest, sometimes to a fault. I felt as if I wasnt in the "league" like other women because I had none of those things. I had stretch marks, some adorable love handles, csection scar, and I couldn't seem to break free of my voluptuous curves. Most people out there were gym rats. I'm sorry, I'm trying to keep groceries on the table and an ounce of sanity in my head. I don't have time for anything much less the gym where I feel like I am wearing a sign that says, pitifully out of shape. I would never be on the cover of anything. I couldn't even remember the last time I had a real pedicure. I like the out of doors, gardening and anything other than shopping. What woman says that?!?

  I have no security and I'm trying to figure out what I like in general. Let's not mention trying to figure out who is legit and who is just out for a "lonely woman" that would make a great and seemingly an easy target. Doesn't that sound like a promising profile?  Accomplishments include... Getting up in the morning and not strangling the ex. Boom! Send me a smile, message or get in line!

This was a serious problem in my mind. Who would want me?!? Wait, back it up! Who wouldn't want me? Look what I have been through. I'm like a warrior with the diplomacy of Barbara Walters and the compassion of Mother Theresa. I have survived the birth of 2 children, gossip, depression, weight gain, weight loss, separation from all that I knew, the cold shoulder, being practically disowned, knowing no one believed me and only 2 witnesses to some of the "smaller incidents", joblessness, "homelessness", intimidation, moving several times, losing friends and family, raising two kids with little or no help financial or otherwise. Who wouldn't want someone someone like me? I'm an overcomer! Awesome! Amazing!

 That doesn't change the past or cover the scars or cushion the daily pains that come with being an overcomer. That doesn't make it any easier to hold my head up high and waltz out the door to greet my potential date. What do I say? I have no great travels to brag about, no hiking trips planned, no great boardroom stories to tell. I can tell you how my kids changed my world, how they taught me the art of patience, how they mysteriously forget how to clean up after themselves after bath time, how they came into this world and how they take it by storm. That my friends, is great dating conversations made to impress, says no one ever!

  All I have to offer is me. Take me as I am or not at all.  You think you won't find that person who likes your quirks and your "mom body". You think that you are the only one that thinks you are funny. You think you won't ever trust someone with your kids. You think that you won't ever laugh til you cry. You think that you will never feel like yourself again. You feel like you will always feel like an outsider. Then, when you give up hoping and praying it will happen and it does. You meet that person that loves you "as is". He laughs with you, cries with you, fights with you and loves on you. He rubs your feet and pours you something to drink. He lets you take a nap and keeps all 5 kids busy. He matches you in wit and stubbornness and its a beautiful thing. You work together, play together, wish together and will stay together. If all you have to offer is you, it is just enough for the right person. Believe me, it can happen. Don't let the people in your past, your own insecurities or the messed up world we live in convince you that you aren't a good "catch". You are fearfully and wonderfully made and you are just enough. 

THATS NOT THE ANSWER I WANTED

When my children were born, their dad and I were 21 and almost 23. We were babies ourselves. I read books as if my life depended on it, theirs did for sure. I had babysat when I was younger but honestly, I didn't really like kids. They were loud, touched everything, you had to tell them everything, they didn't even have common sense yet and a lot of the ones I saw were just brats. Now, I was having my own monsters and I was so unsure what to do. I didn't really even know the science behind how you got pregnant, how and why your body changed and what exactly happened when you gave birth. So, I made a study of it all. I read books by doctors, teachers, mothers and asked advice from EVERYONE. I didn't feel prepared but I did feel better. However, their dad didn't act like it was a big deal at all. I was so amazed by this. My world and thinking had changed right along with my body. When the children were born he was very standoffish. I didn't know what was going on. I remember crying to my mom about it and finally decided, he was gonna get a crash course in parenting. There was a Carolina game on and I handed him our son and told him, he doesn't even know your voice or was able to be without me for a long time. Talk to him. Of course he looked at me like I had lost my mind. I don't know what to say to him, he doesn't talk back... Coach from the couch, explain to him what's going on even if he doesn't have a clue what you are saying. That was the beginning of the end when basketball season was on.
  The point is, I studied for parenthood. I took it very seriously.  Changes that impacted my life were happening within me while his world was sitting still. We were both raised with a different family dynamic. My dad was the head of the home. He was in charge. Mom was a homemaker and she basically raised us to be the women we are. Dad was the "example" that we followed and looked for men to marry like him. His family was a bit different. I felt like their dad wasn't as "hands on" as I would have liked. I started praying that fatherhood would change his life like it changed mine. My prayer was answered after our divorce. The reality of it was when my son and daughter started missing him during the week when they were with me. It hurt me. When they missed him, I took it personally. I was with them since day one. I taught them everything that they knew. I never left them. My choices in life had them at the forefront and they miss him?
  Then, I had a bit of a conversation with myself. I talk to myself quite often. I prayed for this. I begged God that my kids dad would be the type of father that my kids would miss regardless of the circumstances or the "why" behind it. My prayers had been answered just not the way I wanted them to or when I wanted them to be. For the past two years, the kids dad has been a lot more Interactive in their life. I still don't agree with certain things or what is told to the kids but that's to be expected. The point is, things aren't going to go exactly how I want them to go. My desire is for my kids to have a dad that loves them and tries to spend some time with the. It gives them a healthier lifestyle and makes them more emotionally stable.
  The truth is, when you have kids, it isn't about you anymore. Some catch on quicker than others. Just be patient with the ones who are a bit slower where the kids are concerned. As long as your kids environment seems healthy, support the other parent. If there an unhealthy environment or your children are being hurt emotionally or tried to be turned toward you, I would be careful about letting your kids around those people or that type of environment. If it come between your kids and comfort, choose your kids, if it comes between your ego and your kids, choose your kids. The key is to support the other parent as just that, their parent. You don't have to lie to the kids. you don't have to pretend that you are buddies with their other parent. Be honest. Be strong. Be aware of everything going on in their life by keeping the lines of communication OPEN.
  Your prayers may be answered just not when and how you would like. For the kids sake, be happy that those prayers seem to be answered. It's tough to support someone that hurts you and continues to do so. It's tough to try to teach your kids to respect and love new family members that has come into your kids life when you struggle not to throat punch them when you see them. The point is, it is not about us. It is only about the kids. One day, the truth of the situation will be revealed. It will be hard enough when your kids learn the truth of how they came to be a split family. You don't want them to learn too early because you will not come out the winner and you will have years of repair ahead of you where their emotions are concerned. Keep praying that your kids will have discernment. Pray for the other parents to come to the realization is isn't about making you pay or hurting you, it is about the children and what is best for them and BE READY. Your prayers will be answered.