I was reading my Bible today and came across a verse that said "For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in a multitude of counsellors there is safety." Just a brief time earlier a statement was made that we need to go to our "war room" about a very important matter that needed prayer. As soon as I read that verse, I felt as if God was confirming those very words.
I decided that I am declaring war. I am declaring war on fear and doubt. I am declaring war on confusion. I am declaring war on hopelessness. I am declaring war on division. I am declaring war on pride. I am declaring war on my inhibitions. I am declaring war on ungratefulness. I am declaring war on selfishness. I am declaring war on the lies. I am declaring war on the belief that we need to be afraid to talk about God. I am declaring war on allowing the secular world determine how Christians speak. I am declaring war on lies that we have believed that we were "born that way." I am declaring war against maliciousness. I am declaring war against arrogance. I am declaring war on the belief that we cannot rise above our circumstances. I am declaring war for the ones that are suffering some form of abuse. I am declaring war against separation and divorce. I am declaring war for the ones that are not strong enough to declare war themselves. The lines have been drawn and the battle cry has been heard. What side will you be on? Will you be bullied into believing that we cannot change our circumstances, America and even the world? Are you convinced that no one cares? Do you tell yourself that if you weren't here, you wouldn't even be missed? Have you been told you are worthless? Do you see where our homes are headed? Do you see where America is headed? Are you blind, don't care or have been convinced that this is "progress"?
STAND AND FIGHT something bigger than yourself. We are the Isrealites sitting in our camps surrounded by other soldiers that are being bullied by ONE Philistine. We are all sitting there biting our nails and talking to each other about the insurmountable odds that we are facing but aren't willing to TRY. I will be David and say, "Is there not a cause?" Stand and fight because God is bigger than any giant you face. He is bigger than any mountain that you climb. He is bigger than any bully you are facing. He is bigger than any obstacle that you are staring at. He is bigger than any hardened heart. He can conquer our foes if we will stand and fight. TRY. Don't wonder if prayer will change anything. Just do it. Don't say our nation is going to hell in a hand basket but refuse to go out and vote. Don't allow yourself to be abused and bullied without trying to fight in some way.
DECLARE WAR. I cannot fight all the battles that I am facing at one time, but I am not alone in the battles I face. I will not fight all these battles in a public setting or even in a voting booth but I will fight these battles on my knees. That may sound like surrender to the untrained ear but to me it sounds like imminent defeat of my foes. I will not take any injustice without a fight. I will not allow someone to bully me into surrendering my rights. I will not allow someone to take away my safety or the safety of those I love because their platform is bigger than mine. I know the One who created the tree and the humans that cut down that tree to make the wood of the platform that they stand on. My opposition will rise and fall but the power of my God will always be.
WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? Pick a side. You cannot remain neutral in the fight that we are taking on in our homes, in America and in the world. Grow a backbone and pick a side. Quit worrying about what other people think. They can be on the losing side if they want to be. Show your kids how to fight and show them on bent knees.
STAND ALONE. Even if no one will join me, I will stand alone. If God is for me, I am never alone. If God used a donkey to open the eyes of Balaam, God can surely use me. Sometimes, you have to be completely against all odds in order for the world to see that it truly was God. No one will listen to you? You have done all you can do? PERFECT! Now let go and let God.
I declare war. I will step into my war room and strategize with my Commander and Chief and together, we will win this battle that I am fighting. Together we will show the ones that do not see how it looks to fight a battle on your knees. We will show the ones that do not believe what it looks like, in spite of all odds, to win a battle that was impossible to survive. Stand back and watch God as He moves mountains, defeats armies and changes a nation with the belief of one. Stand back as He takes the ones that were against me and with the sound of His voice they surrender. Stand back as He changes me. Stand back and watch as He takes His nail scarred hands that have scooped up little children and sat them on His knees, to take out my enemies. Be amazed at Who He is and what He will do. I declare war, will you?
Monday, May 9, 2016
Monday, May 2, 2016
LEAVE THE STUMP
Daniel 4:14 & 15 "... Hew down the tree, and cut down the tree, and cut off the branches, shake off his leaves,and scatter his fruit: let the beasts get away from under it, and the fowls from his branches: Nethertheless, leave the stump of his roots in the earth, even with a band of iron and brass, in the tender grass of the field;..."
When I was a young, naive adult, I was convinced that depression meant that you didn't have a relationship with God and the use of medication showed your lack of faith. There are so many variables in regards to medication so hold the debate on that. However, I went through a deep, dark and lonely depression. I felt so heavy. I felt hopeless. I felt like I would never recover. I felt like I was beyond recognition. Even if I prayed, God couldn't recognize the shell that I was. I hated nighttime but I hated trying to get out of bed even more. I WANTED to go out and have a good time but I couldn't get motivated. Everything that I said sounded negative. I put off a vibe where it felt as if I repelled people. I was in this place that I desperately wanted out of but couldn't move. I was weighed down and hated it.
My world had completely changed. In some ways I was relieved to be out of a volitle situation and in other ways, I was lost. I could make my own decisions but everything was scary and seemed impossible. I walked with God. I knew He could change everything but it was if my humanity couldn't look through the darkness and see the Light. I didn't feel like I had any friends I could lean on. My family and I were not close at that time and I was scared of my ex. I lived in constant fear of my kids being taken away. I was working any side job I could find to put food on the table. I had a job of cleaning a rental property where I had to tuck my pants inside my jeans and tape my boots shut so no creepy crawlers would get inside. I had to be careful to only step on floor joist because the animal waste had seeped through the carpet and the flooring until it was rotten. I pulled the carpet up, rolled it up and threw it on a trailer along with a black trash bag full of empty pill bottles. There were clothes, toys and a refrigerator and cabinets full of rotten food. I would go clean every day when the kids would leave for school and come home to throw my clothes directly into the washing machine in enough time to change and pick up the kids again. I loaded up an innumerable amount of trash into a truck and trailer and would unload it at a nearby dump. I did all that for less than you can imagine. It was enough to feed us on, pay some bills and attempt to keep my kids in school.
No one knew. No one knew how much I would have liked to get gussied up and get my nails done or go to a 9-5 job and be able to make ends meet. No one knew how I would have like to have not slept every night with a knife in my hand and many hid all over the house. I would have liked to have gone to church to listen to the preacher instead of constantly looking for the nearest exit away from my ex just to get pinned in a corner with him. No one helped me. No one rescued me. No one knew.
I felt low. I felt stupid for getting myself in that mess. I felt angry for feeling that I needed to hide my situation because I didn't want my kids having to live with "the sins of the father." I would lay in bed at night and the darkness felt like it would swallow me whole. As much as I hated the darkness, knowing that morning was coming wasn't any more of a relief. I prayed. I read my bible. I believed in God but I hadn't counted in my humanity. My humanity "weighed me down."
It felt like there was a black hole looming and no matter where I went, it was there. If I thought I was walking away from it, I would look up and it would be even closer than before. I started feeling hopelessness creep into my mind. I started feeling muddled. I was so confused. Nothing in my life made sense. I didn't feel like anything else could hit me and make me feel any worse, any lower than I felt at that time. What I didn't realize when I was in "the pit" was God was still protecting me even when I felt the most vulnerable. He was still listening even when I thought He didn't even know who I was anymore. He took all my fruit, trimmed my limbs, and cut back my branches but he put a "band of brass and iron" to protect the stump that was me. He didn't allow my roots to be destroyed. He allowed me to be taken down to nothing but protected me in the process. I remained, rooted in Him. Then, before I even realized it, I started to grow again. His light came through. He put friends, verses, sermons, wisdom from my children, lessons from nature in front of my eyes and wouldn't relent until I saw His purpose for each thing.
That pit still looms at times and I still bear scars but where all that was left of me was a stump, there now grows a budding tree. It was painful to grow but once I did, I started feeling hope once again. I started seeing that the fear and confusion was strategically put in my heart by the Devil to block God's voice. When I felt alone, it was my own humanity trying to tell God I could do it in my own strength. The people in my life that scared me, do not own me. I am a child of the King and He is my stay. (Psalms 18:17&18) I thank God every day that He "left the stump" and allowed me, in His sovereignty, to grow once again.
When I was a young, naive adult, I was convinced that depression meant that you didn't have a relationship with God and the use of medication showed your lack of faith. There are so many variables in regards to medication so hold the debate on that. However, I went through a deep, dark and lonely depression. I felt so heavy. I felt hopeless. I felt like I would never recover. I felt like I was beyond recognition. Even if I prayed, God couldn't recognize the shell that I was. I hated nighttime but I hated trying to get out of bed even more. I WANTED to go out and have a good time but I couldn't get motivated. Everything that I said sounded negative. I put off a vibe where it felt as if I repelled people. I was in this place that I desperately wanted out of but couldn't move. I was weighed down and hated it.
My world had completely changed. In some ways I was relieved to be out of a volitle situation and in other ways, I was lost. I could make my own decisions but everything was scary and seemed impossible. I walked with God. I knew He could change everything but it was if my humanity couldn't look through the darkness and see the Light. I didn't feel like I had any friends I could lean on. My family and I were not close at that time and I was scared of my ex. I lived in constant fear of my kids being taken away. I was working any side job I could find to put food on the table. I had a job of cleaning a rental property where I had to tuck my pants inside my jeans and tape my boots shut so no creepy crawlers would get inside. I had to be careful to only step on floor joist because the animal waste had seeped through the carpet and the flooring until it was rotten. I pulled the carpet up, rolled it up and threw it on a trailer along with a black trash bag full of empty pill bottles. There were clothes, toys and a refrigerator and cabinets full of rotten food. I would go clean every day when the kids would leave for school and come home to throw my clothes directly into the washing machine in enough time to change and pick up the kids again. I loaded up an innumerable amount of trash into a truck and trailer and would unload it at a nearby dump. I did all that for less than you can imagine. It was enough to feed us on, pay some bills and attempt to keep my kids in school.
No one knew. No one knew how much I would have liked to get gussied up and get my nails done or go to a 9-5 job and be able to make ends meet. No one knew how I would have like to have not slept every night with a knife in my hand and many hid all over the house. I would have liked to have gone to church to listen to the preacher instead of constantly looking for the nearest exit away from my ex just to get pinned in a corner with him. No one helped me. No one rescued me. No one knew.
I felt low. I felt stupid for getting myself in that mess. I felt angry for feeling that I needed to hide my situation because I didn't want my kids having to live with "the sins of the father." I would lay in bed at night and the darkness felt like it would swallow me whole. As much as I hated the darkness, knowing that morning was coming wasn't any more of a relief. I prayed. I read my bible. I believed in God but I hadn't counted in my humanity. My humanity "weighed me down."
It felt like there was a black hole looming and no matter where I went, it was there. If I thought I was walking away from it, I would look up and it would be even closer than before. I started feeling hopelessness creep into my mind. I started feeling muddled. I was so confused. Nothing in my life made sense. I didn't feel like anything else could hit me and make me feel any worse, any lower than I felt at that time. What I didn't realize when I was in "the pit" was God was still protecting me even when I felt the most vulnerable. He was still listening even when I thought He didn't even know who I was anymore. He took all my fruit, trimmed my limbs, and cut back my branches but he put a "band of brass and iron" to protect the stump that was me. He didn't allow my roots to be destroyed. He allowed me to be taken down to nothing but protected me in the process. I remained, rooted in Him. Then, before I even realized it, I started to grow again. His light came through. He put friends, verses, sermons, wisdom from my children, lessons from nature in front of my eyes and wouldn't relent until I saw His purpose for each thing.
That pit still looms at times and I still bear scars but where all that was left of me was a stump, there now grows a budding tree. It was painful to grow but once I did, I started feeling hope once again. I started seeing that the fear and confusion was strategically put in my heart by the Devil to block God's voice. When I felt alone, it was my own humanity trying to tell God I could do it in my own strength. The people in my life that scared me, do not own me. I am a child of the King and He is my stay. (Psalms 18:17&18) I thank God every day that He "left the stump" and allowed me, in His sovereignty, to grow once again.
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