JUST A LITTLE LIE

  Tonight was one of those nights that I had to do what every parent hates to do. I had to discipline my son for lying. He had lied about finishing his homework assignment and this was the second time. The first time was on his birthday, of all days. They both receive a "grace card" that they can use whenever they want on the first demerit for school. He used his on his birthday and took a small punishment for what else that had happened. This morning I had got an email that he hadn't finished his homework and was receiving a demerit. After correspondence with his dad, I found out the entire story and he had lied, again. My heart sunk, The entire day, every time I thought about the kids I felt a sense of dread because I knew what had to be done.

   I got home and said my hello's, took off my shoes and started warming up my supper. I called him into the kitchen. The conversation went a little like:
  "Did you get a demerit today?"
  "Yes"
  "Why did you get a demerit?" I could tell that his future hadn't sunk in yet.
  "I didn't do my math homework."
  "When daddy asked you if you finished your homework, what did you tell him?"
  (recognition) "I told him I did it all. I forgot that I had to do my math."
  "Did you have your math book in your book bag?
  "Yes."
  "Why else would you have your Math book in your book bag unless it was to do homework? What is in the front of your binder?
   "My weekly homework assignments."
  "So you do know where to find them?"
  "Yes." (weepy voice has fully taken effect at this time)
  " When you told your dad you did all your homework and you didn't have it done, what would you call that?"
  "A LIE!!!" (crying has set in)
  "When you did this a few weeks ago, what did I tell you?"
  "If I did it again I would get punished."
 
  I proceeded to lecture him on lying. I know everyone hates to be lectured but it is a tool to teach and teach I did.

  "You believe that telling that "little lie" bought you 10 minutes of extra play time but it snowballed. Now, you have to suffer the consequences of that choice. When you lie, it doesn't just affect you, it affects me, your dad, your teacher, your school work and your relationship with God. Just a little lie is now a huge ordeal. When you lie you break someone's trust. Not only to you have to catch up on that school work but you have to recover from the relationships that were affected by that 'little' lie."

  I drew a diagram of a lie in the middle and lines going from the circle with the word "lie" written in it, to other circles that had mom, dad, teacher, school work, J and God written in them. I showed him how far reaching it is when you tell a lie. I explained how each thing or person was affected by that seemingly small choice. Afterwards, I brought it home to him and honestly, I am still praying that it was a good move.

  "Do you remember what you told me when your dad left? You said that you knew why we weren't together anymore. You said that it was because dad lied. (He nodded his head.) He broke my, what?"
  "Trust."
  "I am practice for when you grow up. If you listen to me and obey the guidelines I set, more than likely, you will obey God when you are grown. If you start a habit of lying now, when you are 25 or 30 years old and break your wife's trust over and over again, your kids will be just like you and your sister. They will visit you on the weekends and staying with your wife during the week. They will be crying over the same hurt that you feel. Do you want that? You could possible prevent that from happening by practicing good habits now. Does that make sense?"
  "Yes."
   "I don't get disciplined by my parents anymore but I do get disciplined by God. If I don't obey Him, I have to pay the consequences as well. God gave you to me and I have a HUGE job of training you and giving you back to Him to serve Him one day. It's a big deal but I need your help. I need you to obey and listen, I am not trying to boss you around, I am trying to teach you for when I am not around anymore. There is no little boy I love more than you and what a good boy you are. It is all up to you. The decisions you make is yours. If you don't like the boy you see in that mirror than change it." (then he prayed and asked God for forgiveness. Called his dad and did the same)

  One of the hardest things I have to do, more so that discipline, is making sure the truths and the "why" behind what you teach them to hit home. I want them to not just follow MY rules but guidelines they will use from now until they are older. That is so important to me. I don't want them to do it because I say. I want them to do it because it is right. I don't know if you are aware but raising kids is not easy. If you think it is, maybe you should reevaluate what you are doing.
  Now that I have kids of my own, I can see that even the smallest things that I never gave much thought to were tools that were taught to me by my parents. When my kids were first born I realized what a "blank slate" they really were. It was my job to teach them EVERY little thing. What a huge and daunting task that looked like. They present you with many, many opportunities to teach them and show them the right way. At the same time, I really believe God uses that to show us some lessons as well. So many times I hear myself talking and think of God saying the same thing to me. It has changed my world.
  It is so hard to explain how much I love my children.  Even more so, it never ceases to amaze me how much more God loves us. I pray every day that I can be the parent my kids deserve. I pray that they will grow up to be more than just good citizens. I want them to be adults that change the world, even if it is just one person at a time.