When my children were smaller, I took their bed frames out to their rooms and out the mattresses on the floor. You can't imagine the looks of “bless your heart” I received for that and “are you kidding me?” The reason was, I allowed my kids to jump on their beds until they were so big they got hurt flipping off the mattresses. When their friends came over, they jumped on the beds too. It was so great! That was my “yes”. Why they got to the point that injury was prevalent, I got “official beds” and told them they were no longer able to jump on the beds. If they did, they would be punished. Not only would they get hurt but they would break the bed. We must always take care of what God has given us. That, was my “no”. Did I love them any less because they now couldn't jump on their beds? Absolutely not. The reason they were told “no” was because they would be hurt if we continued to do what we were doing.
Think about this. What happens if you illuminate every opportunity to tell your kid no? What will happen? If your first thoughts may be, no more fights, I won't feel like the “bad guy”, they will be happier, I have another thought for you. What does it teach them? If they are never told “no” and they group up to be adults, in a real world, what do you think they will do when they are told “no” by a friend, boy/girlfriend or boss? If they have never been told no, they will not know how to deal with the emotions that are going to hit them, no matter their age, when that word hits their ears. How fair is that? Are you really doing them any favors? Have you ever went to work or school with someone that has never been told “no”? I have. They had be told “yes” by everyone or they would pay dearly.
I have recently been able to get aquatinted with a very unhappy child. This child used to scream and beat her head against the wall when she didn't get her way. She would hide and pout for hours and scream and shove if she didn't get attention. She is such an unhappy little person with so much built up anger inside. Her mother tried to not tell her “no” and everyone around her as well. Then, in walks me. I have observed her for months. Do you know when she is most happy? She is most happy in doing something for me or serving others. She doesn't realize that but it is true. It's amazing.
Let's take this one more direction and see if it makes sense. After my divorce, I had prayed that I would meet a guy I had already knew along the way or someone I trusted knew so I wouldn't get into a mess on down the line. I started talking to a guy I knew in grade school. We had a similar background, went to the same school, our parents used to be close and we hit it off just like the “good old days”. He told me he was divorced. He kept asking me to meet him for supper. So, I had asked him if we could go to church together first. That always illuminates who it needs to. He said, “Well, my ex would flip.” To which I respond, “Um, why would that matter, you are divorced?” He smoothly replies, “We just have this agreement because church is more personal than a meal.” Yes. I was shaking my head and realizing something wasn't right. “You told me you are divorced, I'm still not following.” Well, TECHNICALLY we aren't divorced yet. We are actually living in the same house because she won't leave. WHAT?!?!? You have got to be kidding me! He wasn't. Needless to say, I no longer spoke to him and was fed up with the whole dating scene. I was over it! I told the lord to take away my desire to be with someone that loves me and would help me raise my kids. My mom decided that she would pay for a months subscription to “Christian Mingle” and within the month I met my husband.
I had prayed, fervently but God said “wait”. Sometimes, he out and out said “no”. That can still be aggravating as an adult. Did that mean that God didn't love me? Did that prove that He tried to “take back” dying in the cross for me? Did that show that I really am not important enough to be given a “yes”? No to all the above. God loves us to tell us “yes” and He loves us enough to tell us “no”. His love doesn't change just because our likes and circumstances do. His love is always the same. No matter what the question, even life or death, His love doesn't change according to what He answers.
I believe if I pattern my life after Christ then I will be the parent I need to be. Why is ok for the One that created us and literally gave His life for us to say “no” and still be a good God but we are horrible parents if we say “no” to our own children? You don't have to agree with me but I do believe we are selfish parents if we spoil our children and never tell them “no”. We want the “parent of the year award”, we want to be our children's friend. That isn't our job yet. Our job is to parent. Another word for parent is rear, raise or nurture. Nurture means to care for and encouraging the growth and development of someone or something. Do we fit that description? Are we equipping our kids with the knowledge and discipline they need to be contributing adults? We are teaching them how to handle being told "no". How to have a good spirit even when they don't get their way. What if God didn't give them their way when they prayed. Maybe it wasn't even a selfish prayer, but the answer was still "no". Knowing how to handle an answer they don't want will possibly save them from being so bitter at God they reject everything they have learned. I love my children enough to tell them "yes" and I love my children enough to tell them "no". Do you?
No comments:
Post a Comment