I have been married for almost 6 months. We have been a blended family for almost 6 months. We have learned A LOT about each other. It is such a struggle for me to get my thoughts together and post a blog. I carry more on me in some ways than I thought I would. Having 3 additional children. It isn't a bad thing at all. It has taught me a lot about myself. I have seen myself through someone else's eyes. I have had emotions towards them that I would have never thought I would. I have struggled with jealousy, love, injustice, opinions, beliefs and fear. It has been a wonderful and tumultuous ride.
I'm a tad bit opinionated. However, I try to base my opinions on what the Bible says. When my opinions are asked for, I give it without a problem. Now I am in the position of a stepmother and my filter must be put on high. As an ex wife, it must remain on high as well. I asked one of our 5 children what they were scared of with each parent in their life. They were very honest, even about me. Have you ever saw yourself through your kids eyes? It can be enlightening. She told me that what scares her about me is when they do something they shouldn't and how it makes them feel bad that they did wrong. Another parent, they were scared of because they screamed and threatened them when they were bad. As they went through all the parents, their school and friends, it really painted a picture for me of how they viewed things.
This same child had an attitude with me a couple weeks ago with her voice, neck and body. I saw red! I had to walk away. However, when she said she feels guilt for doing wrong, I felt like that was a success. When the children do wrong, I walk them through the whole ordeal...
What did you do? Why is that wrong? How should you have acted or reacted? You chose wrong, do you understand that? When you do wrong, what is that? Sin. Sin has to be what? Punished. Your parents are practice for learning to listen to God one day. When we ask you to do something that you don't understand or don't want to do and you do it with a good attitude anyway, you will eventually respond to God in the same way. Do we punish you because we want to see you sad? No. We punish you because that is what God says to do. It teaches you to think about the consequences the next time you come to that crossroads.
Tonight, I was tucking the girls in and he let me pray with them this time. I started a silly tradition with Kayden, 9 years old, when Robby and I were dating and we would tuck them in. I would peek in her room just enough for her to see the outline of my face. She starts to giggle and I take off running and jump in her bed. I was leaning over her and kissed her little soft cheek and she said, "I've got a question." To which I responded, "I have an answer. You can ask me anything." She smiled really big and said, "Do you have to go to church to be saved?" All the bells and whistles in my head went off. I started praying in my head that this would be the opportunity I was looking for to share the gospel with her. I had thought about it this week a few times, wondering if I should open that door or let her.
I started from the beginning with Adam and Eve and told her where sin came from and how it was passed to us all. I explained what sin is and how Jesus died on the cross for us. I drew the picture of Jesus dying on the cross and He looked through time and saw me. He knew I would meet her. He knew I would marry her daddy. He knew my heart and my need for Him. As he hung there on the cross, he knew of our existence and He died for us. I explained our need for Him, the purpose behind church and reading our Bible. Then, I asked her if she would like to ask Jesus into her heart. She said YES. I called her dad into the room and told him what had taken place. I asked her, "If you disobeyed your mom, would you no longer be her kid?" She shook her head no. "The same way is with God. If you disobey and sin, you are still His child. You still must ask for forgiveness, just like you do when you wrong someone else, but you will always be His child once you ask Him into your heart." I saw the light come on in her mind and that it had hit its mark. I prayed for her and thanked God for softening her heart towards Him. I begged Him to help us show that God is real every day. When I paused, she prayed something like this... Lord, forgive me of my sins. Please come into my heart. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Help us tomorrow as we go to church to learn more about you. Please help all of my family to get saved too. Thank you Jesus. Amen.
It took everything in me to not start blubbering. We told her we would get her a Bible to take to her moms house and I would underline really good verses that would help her everyday. We assured her that if she had any questions to come ask us and we would explain anything to her. If we didn't know, we would find out and learn together. I walked out so her dad could talk to her alone and express how proud he was of her alone. As I stepped out of the room I heard noises in the little girls room. I peeked inside and they said, "Would you read that Bible to us too?" If I could have melted, I would have been a puddle. It was then I hid in the bathroom and cried. Robby came in there and we held each other rejoicing over that sweet little girl answering the call and seeing her need for a Savior.
Honestly, I have been discouraged. There has been a lot going on lately and you get to wondering if anything is taking? I try to have lessons with the kids every time they come. They will beg sometimes. You wonder, are you understanding? Am I being clear? Am I saying the right things? Are their spirits growing? Guess what? They are!! Tonight was total proof. The lessons that we have had, the prayers prayed, the rules and guidelines implemented have all been working together. Isn't it amazing how God works? I have a question for you. Is God real to you? Is He real to your kids? How are you showing them that you aren't just going through the motions? Don't be discouraged! They are listening even when you think they aren't! This has lit a fire under me. This has encouraged me to make sure my steps are ordered by the Lord in every area of my life so I can lead by example. What an awesome responsibility we have as parents and as Christians.
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