Have you ever been so happy you feel as if it will bubble out of you? It makes you feel as if a piece of the sun has made it's home in your breast.You feel as if everywhere you go, flowers bloom inside your very footsteps and the birds are singing the song that is playing in your heart. No matter what anyone says to you, you still have a bit of a smile permanently on your face.
A few short years ago, I remember having the very opposite feelings. I felt so heavy all the time. It took effort to breathe. When people spoke to me, I felt as if I was in a haze. I constantly had this feeling I was in a play that I wasn't allowed to have an intermission during. I rarely laughed and if I ever did, it sounded odd and hollow to my own ears. I had a permanent worried look on my face. My children even told me they missed their mom. We loved each other but we carried the weight of the world on our shoulders. We didn't have that carefree spirit and laughter that we do now.
Fast forward to the present. I am happy and even satisfied. I feel as if I finally have a "normal" life (of sorts). Those of you that truly know me, know I can never be normal but to my standards, I am. I have that relationship that you love each other dearly but sometimes hear the "ding" of the bell when the next round begins. I have a beautiful husband (he LOVES when I say that) that has an incredible work ethic and loves deeply. He makes my heart skip a beat when I see him. I despise the mud that finds it's way in my house from his work boots but I love it too. I love that I see his ginormous boot prints outside where he has been working. The piles he leaves when we are working on his estimates for work, frustrates me to no end but I cannot express how thankful I am for them too. He loves his work. He takes pride in it and he thrives the busier he is. Not only that, but I have always wanted a big family and now I have one. I wanted 4 boys and for some reason the genders got mixed up in that prayer request. I have 4 girls and 1 boy. Please pity him, he loves the sympathy! We have a chaotic home. Most of our weekends we have 3 little hurricanes blow in and back out again. We are rarely home, it seems like. Our home is clean but it's not as tidy as it is in my head. I didn't feel nearly as challenged when I was teaching 2 kids to keep their rooms clean and helping me with the house, than I do with 5. Now that I have added 3 more kids, I am running in circles!
Our house isn't perfect but it is more than just a house to us. The molding needs to be caulked and repainted. We still haven't redone the bathrooms and we need to replace all the windows. Do you know that there's improvements done to this house that you may never know about by looking at it? In each room lies someone that their hearts have been broken but mended. In each room lies a person, whether big or small, that has found an oasis. They have found a place that they can come and not be judged. They can be themselves and be comfortable in their own skin. They are encouraged to be confident but to also be thankful for the talents that they have. In each room, there is someone that is learning to dream and starting to believe it can be a reality. These couches, that have seen better days, are where we sit to watch movies together, have lessons or where the judges sit in rapture while we judge each person entered in the bi-monthly"dance off". This house is more than the place that we sleep, it is the place that we come when we want to hide from the world, to play or just to be.
A few days ago, I planned a Valentine's day party for our little family. I decorated with raffia (which the kids thought was toilet paper), red and pink hearts, candles everywhere, place cards with special messages in them, red glasses with sparkling grape juice, a chocolate heart from Robby and a special meal that everyone loved. Once we all sat down and took a selfie with my handy dandy selfie stick, I went around the table and told each person something I loved about them. (I'm generally not a crier unless it has to do with my kids and I turn sappy.) Some of us were fighting tears and I was losing my battle. I asked the children if they wanted to say something. They took turns sharing some things they loved about each other or us as a family. One of the children said, "I love our home. It's such a happy place. I love this family because we stand together."
Have your children ever told you your home is a happy place? I remember my home life from the time I was very young. Our home was fun but I do not remember feeling like our home was happy. I don't mean that to be a slight on my parents at all. That's just not an emotion I remember feeling. I just wonder how many children that have their parents still together, live in a Christian home, and go to church have said that statement. Honestly, it made me stop. I kept looking at them all and wondering, "Do you all feel that way?" I think back to when I am disciplining or admonishing the children for various things all kids do and worrying through the night that they will be scarred for life. I wonder how they can still say that when they have to go through "the switch" every weekend. I've never lavished my kids with gifts and trips to assuage my guilt because of the divorce or because I worked a full time job and sometimes 2 when I was single. I look at others that have done that and wonder if their children feel happy. Would mine be happier if I did? I have never associated happiness with things and I believe that is probably the general consensus.
There has never been something I have prayed for more (that isn't spiritually related) than for our kids to say their home is a happy place. Those little handmade decorations didn't seem so silly anymore. They could have been made of gold and I wouldn't have valued them more than I did than what the children said as we sat at the table with the glow of candles all around us sharing their hearts. Our home, is such a happy place.
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