This morning I was reminded about a time when my son had been struggling a little with my new work schedule. He had been missing me and having stomach aches. I believe the stomach issues were because of the stress he was under. I came home from work one night and was told he had been crying for me for 15 minutes. My big ol 9 year old boy was missing his mommy. It broke my heart but made me smile. It felt good to know that I was missed. Some mornings he woke up and would be suddenly deathly ill and could not go to school. One morning he came to the kitchen and walked up to me while I was helping get their lunches together. "Mom, I am sick. I cannot quit coughing and I feel really bad." I turned around and smiled at him and in a patronizing doting voice I hugged him and said,"Bless your heart!! Mommy's baby is sick." He stood there with his head on my chest and said, "Mom. You know this is serious, right?" "Of course it is! You can be my baby and no one has to know. (adding the voice again for good measure) You just be my baby and mommy will make it all better!" He relaxed in my arms again but shook his head at the same time. He went to school.
Sometimes that's all it takes is a little love, attention and someone to share your burdens. How many times have I went to a friend or family before I ever went to God? I like to handle what I can without help in every area of life. I'm independent to a fault at times. I'm also a verbal person. Shocker, right? All I need to do sometimes is talk. I have fussed at many people that needed it in the privacy of my own home while I was cleaning. There's a good chance it started out as a prayer for the person and went a bit off track. After I got all of my feelings out in the "open", I could then think through the injustice and be able to respond to that person in the right spirit. Let's be real. Sometimes you need a voice that talks back that you can hear or an arm that you can feel the warmth and love as it is wrapped around you. For me, it is harder for me to pray through a situation when I am about to explode with my thoughts, opinions, hurt and sometimes rage. It is harder for me to open my Bible and seek wisdom when I have smoke coming out of my ears.
What amazes me is that God will sometimes send someone that is the physical representation for what I need to hear. Women like for other women to agree with them or say something like, "No they didn't!, We will see about that!" We like that someone else is willing to walk beside us singing "Somebody's in trouble" while dragging a bat behind them. What I have found is the conviction I feel when I have sought out someone else's council before God's. When in fact, He sees it all. He sees it like a movie from beginning to end and knows every scene, even the ones that will get cut before completion. He wants justice for us even more than we do ourselves. After a while, I feel like I should start every prayer with, "Lord, it's me again..." I swear He chuckles every time I pray. I can almost feel Him patting my head!
What I believe is, just as Jayden wanted to spend more time with me and his physical and emotional needs were real, God wants that time with us. Sometimes the situations we are in is to open up an opportunity that He will be able to wrap us in His arms and tell us lovingly that we are His child. Even the person that is blinded by their insecurities and do not care how badly their words and actions have hurt you, He sees. Even when you feel the circumstances you are in are totally unjust, He knows. Even the pain that the situation is causing you, He feels. He is allowing it for a specific reason. When we don't acknowledge Him through it is when the injustice doesn't get thwarted.
I have recently encountered someone that I respected after speaking with them for just a few minutes. She made me laugh til I cried and she had Jesus all over her. She parented her children like I do. We had similar ideas but I felt like she would sharpen me. I felt like she would make me better by knowing her. God may have wrapped His arms around me but it was hers that I felt. I want to be that for someone else. "I'm going to make everything around me beautiful-that will be my life." Elsie de Wolfe There is something about that line that spoke to me. I want to make the world around me beautiful because I was in it. My name may not be written in history books or even in the local newspaper but I can change the world that I live in even if no one sees. It can be the "unseen" things that make the biggest impact.
I do have some friends that will check that they have a full round while getting their keys if I need them. I also have friends and family that will wrap me in their arms as I fall apart. People that didn't even know I felt like my life was over and they sent some love and encouragement to me just in time. Every one of those friends were sent to me. Every one of those friends have been a way that God told me that He heard me. My prayer today is that I will seek him before I check the chamber. No, really. I pray that we all may find solace in God. It sounds trite, like a cop-out to say read the Word and pray but most of the time we make things a lot more complex than it has to be. No matter how serious it is, God can take it and let your heart, mind and body rest.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls." Matthew 11:28-29
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