BEING QUEEN

   Once upon a time in a not so far away land, I was the queen of my castle. I ruled over dust bunnies, germs, bacteria and two small dwarfs. We conquered mountains of dirty laundry and defeated the dragons under the beds. We hid from the king and when he least suspected it, we would all trap him under our weight. We defeated the kingdoms that were in our castle. The dwarfs were taught how to be like a prince and a princess. We built forts and played dress up and tried to turn the king's head. I was the queen. I also ran the castle. I did not ask anything to be done that I have not done myself. I ran the kitchen staff. I orchestrated clean up. I also drove the royal chariot. Our "horses" names were "Honda" and "Odyssey". My castle wasn't perfect, but it was mine. If one were to put a degree's standards to the knowledge I had as queen and keeper of the dwarfs, I would say I was working on my doctorate.
   Then one day something completely unexpected happened, our castle had been overthrown by spies and we didn't even know it. Everything we knew and loved was no longer there. We had to pack up our castle, sell all our valuables and flee to the mountains. The king's heart had been turned and he was lost in the battle as well.
   Now, instead of running my castle and caring for the things and the ones I love, I help run other peoples castles. I count the money for other kings and lords. I clean other peoples floors and do their laundry while also doing my own. I am working while my little dwarfs that have magically became as big as I, are being watched and taught by someone else. The king still loves my little people and they go and see him on the other side of the divide. His new queen tucks them in each night and says the prayers I am supposed to be saying. She cooks their meals and answers their questions when I am not there. I am at my new dwelling, my cottage, waiting for my little loved ones to come home to me. I love my work and the amazing people that I have been working with but nothing replaces my castle. My king and I had funny little things we said to each other. I would hide from him and try to scare him when the little ones were in their dreamland. I would tickle him til he couldn't stand it. I would sing love songs to him and never move my eyes from his. Now, we are no more. It doesn't even seem real. When I see the one that was my king, he isn't the man I once knew. His voice isn't even familiar anymore.
   Daily, I get up and go to my new castle full of the peoples earnings and work with the amazing women that have their own stories to tell. Nightly, I come home to my cottage and can feel how empty it is. While the little people are away, it almost feels like a tomb. Where once there were all of the village people's children coming in and out and lots of laughter heard, is now just a shell of what once was. I no longer have a lush bed where I rest my head in peace and safety. I sleep on a couch. It is almost a comfort because it feels as if I am sleeping next to someone again. At night, all of the lights no longer go out. There is always one. It is no longer kept on so my love could see how to find me, it is kept on so I could see if someone were to come in to harm us and could take aim on the villain.
  At night when changing out of my work clothes, I feel my waist length hair softly down my back. It no longer brings a smile because I know the king loves it so. I long to feel someone lovingly touch my hair and get their hands tangled up in my silky locks. It doesn't matter what I put on because no one is there to admire my choice. I wear what I want to and it doesn't feel as triumphant as one might think. I go through the house cleaning up the remnants of whoever was in that room and absentmindedly left something there. I cook or just don't bother. I no longer think days in advance what to make in order to get the most approving compliments. It doesn't matter anymore. I cook what I want if I desire to do so. When the little ones are home it is a royal affair. We cook and clean together and make it an event. We talk of the day or little life lessons they need to know in order to one day be a king or a queen of their own castle. We laugh and tease and the house feels alive again.
   I loved being a queen. It was so gratifying to know that my castle was ran with finesse. Now, I have a hard time knowing what to do and what my station is. In my mind, I am still a queen. In reality, I am but a servant to the people. To my little ones, I don't know what they think of me, I feel like I am fading away and becoming invisible hands. I want them to view me as a queen that is temporarily on holiday and will return to my throne before too long. My thrown will be in a different kingdom but it will be ran with more care than even before.
  At times, I feel quite lost. Cooking and cleaning has lost its fun. Dressing up is still done with care but it doesn't feel as rewarding with no one there to admire the results. Decorating was such a fun delight. Every thing was just so and the anticipation of the king's approval was better than all of the gold in the kingdom. Now, I have a hard time unpacking a box and knowing what I want to do with its contents. It is such an odd place to be especially for one of my character and station. To have once been a queen but need direction like a child. Each coin that I earn is like gold. Each sacrifice made, I pray my little ones will love me for it and not despise my absence. No matter how many people I have met, no matter where my cottage is located, nothing has felt like home. I am looking forward to the day when I again am reigning over my kingdom. Not as a ruler but as one that wants the very best for the people that I love. That day may be near or it may never come. I may be looking towards a Heavenly kingdom instead of an earthly one. Either way, I will be queen. I will be a loving queen with a desire to serve my little ones and my Lord for as long as He deems fit.
   If you have been overthrown by spies and the lies they have spread. Take heart. This is just preparation for a time when you will need the strength of heart that you are learning right now. You will be showing your little ones how to have the heart of royalty. You will teach them to follow in your ways and those ways will lead them to redemption. Your castle will be even stronger because you will know the weak spots like you didn't know before it was overtaken. Love will be what you wield and your strength will be what write about it the history books. Our heavenly kingdom is full of people just like us. They are there cheering us on and holding the trumpets to one day celebrate our arrival. Until then, persevere. Every day is a chance to work towards making our kingdoms a reality. Do not worry about the king that used to reign but the one that may be found worthy enough to reign in the kingdom you will share. If one is not found worthy to be a guide to your little ones, then reign alone with the strength and beauty that THE KING gave you. Reign with grace and truth as you guide for I will be reigning with you and our kingdoms will be honored in the years to come.