DIVORCE

    DIVORCE. What an ugly word. It is preached against, read about, scandalized and prayerfully avoided. Sometimes it happens. The result of something that was out of your control. Some people have it all but still aren't happy. Some people just cannot find the happiness they once knew and don't want to live in misery anymore. Some just don't care and want a "trade in." Ever heard that saying that the grass is greener on the other side? Do you know why? Because more than likely that patch of grass is over the septic tank. Just because the people change in your life doesn't mean it will make you a different person. I just knew my life was over when I knew that the big black cloud of divorce was looming. I remember as a senior in high school the preacher went around the room pointing at every other student and saying, "divorced, stays married, divorced, stays married." He pointed at me and said divorced. In my head, I snickered. Me? Yeah right. My nickname in school was "Pastor Lamb". Seriously? Several years later, I thought I had beat the odds. Had went through some major rough patches and wasn't even sure if recovery was possible. Just to get my legs under me again and find out my life had been a lie. What a difference a day makes. Now, when I go into church I feel like I glow neon, that I have a mark on my forehead stating "what I am". I am divorced. Most people automatically wonder what I did to make that happen. I have been told I didn't love enough. That I didn't do this or that right so that is my punishment from God. Really? Well, my God loves and wants the best for His children. I don't want to know your god. I read hundreds of books. I counselled for hours with different well known and some quiet godly Christian women how to be a better wife. I was embarrassingly naive when I was first married but I learned and thought I had done it all "right". Well, not so much, apparently.
    You know what? I have learned more than I have ever thought possible. I have learned about myself and much about other people. I have been sent well meaning messages that stated that I will be miserable for the rest of my life if I tried to have a "mixed" family. I have been told that certain problems that others had were my fault for whatever reason. I have been told that I will not be used again. Thank you but no thanks. Something that I have learned. Divorced isn't who I am. God uses anyone. Some things that happen in our lives cannot be fixed or stopped or helped. Stuff happens. We may not even "deserve" it, but it does. We may be saved, but we live with the effects of sin. I don't care what you look like, feel like or are. God is our dad that loves us no matter what.
It is hard to comprehend that to some when your dad may be mean or only shows you love if you do everything to perfection. There is one Person that you can always depend on. You may not can see Him but you can feel Him if you try. We are at our best when we are at our lowest. We are more in tuned to God and all of our pretense is stripped away when there is nothing left but hurt. Let me tell you something. I do not condone divorce nor do I promote it BUT sometimes it happens. Divorce wasn't the end for me, it was just the beginning. I never pretended that I would be a single mom when I was playing with my sister as a girl. I never wanted to put on a smile and tell my kids you hurt and cry and that's okay, but let it make your heart softer and be more loving to other people. I shouldn't have to choose between a great job and my kids. I shouldn't have to.... but I do. That is my life and it is going to be great no matter what. My kids have grown up more and seem to be closer than ever. We value our time together. We know that life can change in an instant so buckle up and enjoy the ride!
    All of that to say, no matter what is going on in your world. No matter how "put together" you look, God knows the real you and He loves you because of it not in spite of it. Your world may feel like it is falling apart, but in truth it may be falling together. Don't be so afraid to show people who you are. Don't be afraid to tell people, I made a mistake. Don't be afraid to show you are human. We all are some of us, like me, just make it more noticeable.