I am a self-proclaimed tough mom. I am the friend you call for a good time and laugh til you cry moments, but I take being a mother very seriously. In my personal opinion, I think the nations' problems would be solved if we start training our children correctly. We are training future adults. If you wouldn't take that kind of behavior from an adult, why would you from a child. What is the hardest thing for us is we will not change our own thinking and actions. We cannot punish our children for something they see us doing every day. "Our children become the worst of who we are." In other words it is easier for our kid to pick up our bad traits rather than our good ones. If we make our worst, better and our better our best continually, I think our children will do the same without even realizing it.
By the time my kids were 3 they were "making" their own beds. My mom would continually remind me that it wouldn't look great but the whole point is making them feel achievement and getting into practice. They have cleaned up their own toys since they could crawl. I don't know about you, but I am nobody's slave. I love my children but I do not jump when they speak. I am training them to be self-sufficient adults. They love to vacuum and mop and we are working our way up to using cleaners. This year is the year I am going to start teaching them to cook. I remember my mom scooting a chair up beside the stove and teaching me how to cook. I want them to have several meals they can do with little supervision. They are young, but they both think it is super cool. YAY!! That is the "trick" my mom did. We would "work like wild women" then have the rest of the day to play. What she didn't know was I loved cleaning because I made her proud and we got to spend time together.
Well, yesterday school was cancelled because of the "deep freeze" going on up here on the mountain. The kids were WILD! I thought I would go crazy. I had scheduled myself some time to work on my book, clean and cook. Every time I sat down at the computer the banshees would come tumbling into my room touching everything, making weird noises and talking so loud I couldn't hear my own thoughts. After a while, I became very frustrated. I know I had been working but it aggravated me they couldn't seem to figure out how to play in the other rooms in this house. I had made supper and they weren't ready to eat yet. Well, I was starving and I made stir fry. Meaning I ate while they played. I was announcing my plans to get them theirs as soon as I was finished and Chloe said,"I don't like stir fry." To which I replied, "Yes, you do. Besides, what I make you will eat with a smile on your face and a thank you on your lips" "Daddy wouldn't make me eat it. He gives us whatever we want" she says. "Oh ho ho! Is that right? I lived with daddy for almost 10 years and we have followed the same rules since day 1. I know you. I was there the first time you opened your eyes. I was there when you took your first breath. I know you better than you know yourself. You will not play me like that and trying to get your way by telling me your daddy lets you do whatever you want. First of all, I am not daddy and secondly, that will never work" (never pick a fight with me unless you are prepared) She looked at me in utter shock. That didn't work? How is that possible? Does her daddy give her whatever she wants? I am not there, I don't really know. Regardless, it doesn't change the rules I have set for my little family one bit. I am not here to make sure they get whatever they want. I am here to give them what they need. Of course, we have our nights where we all pick our favorite thing to eat and I have 3 different things going at once. This was not that night. They ate their supper and all was well. Afterwards I called them into my room. I said, "Lets talk."
I showed them on my computer my blog and my Facebook page. I let them read comments of how people said they enjoyed reading the stuff I wrote and how honest I was. (I take that as a compliment) Where people had stated they were glad they knew me and I have a beautiful family. Then, I showed them where I said, " My kids are amazing. If they weren't already mine, I would want them!! Kids are awesome! They are the only people I know that can make you want to squeeze their neck and pinch their nose all at the same. LOL They make the world exciting and new and make you get out of bed every morning. My kids have been more of a help than going to church at times. Every decision I have ever made was a direct result of them. I am undeserving of them, but am thankful all the same."
We sat on the bed in a makeshift circle and I told them how much I loved them and how they are my reason. My voice broke and tears started forming in my eyes as I explained the love I have for them. The reason I can write and the reason I can help people is because of their existence, love and trust they had in me. They were the ones that had loved me unconditionally and helped heal my heart. (I RARELY cry. So, when it seemed as if the flood gates were opening Chloe started tearing up and Jayden started crying in the blanket that was on his lap.) I proceeding in telling them, when they fuss and don't listen, it makes it hard for me to help other people and it hurts my heart. My head is so full of frustration and worry about why they are acting this way that I cannot think of what to write or tell someone that is hurting. I told them that they are amazing kids. I don't know of many kids as good as they are and that get along like they do. That doesn't mean that they are better than everybody else, it just means they may be a little smarter to have figured it out this quickly.
They rarely ever fuss. So, when they do I just don't know how to react because I am taken back by it. They love each other and care for each other every day. I pointed all of that out to them and gave them examples of how courteous they are to each other.
As I was talking, I could see the wonder in their eyes. I could see the look of "do I do that?" in their faces. I could almost see them be visibly inflated. It was great! They had been tattling and fussing for the past couple days about to drive me up the wall but not bad enough to warrant any major discipline. After our talk, they helped straighten the living room and they let each other take turns picking a cartoon to watch on Netflix. They were giggly and happy and loving. This morning they were the same way. I don't know how long that will last but I thought to myself: I tell everyone how awesome my kids are and how much they have helped me. How often do I tell them? I tell them I love them every day but do I tell them things I love ABOUT them? Do I tell them things I have never said before? How often do I brag on them? It made me think... I need it sometimes. I need someone to notice that I am giving my best. When I am struggling wondering if I am dong a good job, I just about start sobbing when someone says I am a good mom. I had a long time friend told me that I was "doing things". I told him that I wanted to FEEL like it. He then said,"Just look in the mirror and there's your proof you've been doing thing for your whole life." MAN! I felt like I could fly! What a thing to say? How needed that was. It got me thinking. My mom made/makes me feel the same way. I can remember some conversations we had when I was younger and she would make me feel like I could almost walk on water. I want to do that for my kids. I want to be their constant encourager. I have never been one to give an empty compliment. So, when I say something, my kids know I mean it. But do I say it enough? That is my new driving force. Positive reinforcement. Finding the balance between making your kids feel like they are superior and making them know they are special to you can be tricky, but I am up for the challenge.
No comments:
Post a Comment