You ever get one of those headaches that no matter how much medication you take, it is still there? It may have dulled a bit. It may still hurt for your head to touch the pillow. It just hurts. It isn't debilitating like it was and for that you are thankful, but it just won't go away. The hurt just doesn't stop.
I have found that sometimes life can be that way. Sometimes the wound is healing. Sometimes the wound is just a bit of a scar where a gash used to be. Sometimes you feel those phantom pains where a part of you has been cut off. Sometimes everything hurts and what doesn't hurt makes you cry. When the hurt won't stop. Do you?
When the nights come alive with voices and the darkness is too loud. When your bed is no longer a place to rest but becomes a battlefield in your nightmares that won't go away. When every time you step into your house it feels empty no matter who is there. When you enter and it doesn't smell like you and it never feels like home. When you live inside your computer because that is your only contact with the outside world and it is "safe". When you cringe when someone says "I've been where you are." When your kids don't understand the sacrifices you have made and are making for them and it all seems so lost. When they ask you for something you cannot give. When you smile and you forget what it feels like to smile and not tell your face what to do. When a laugh sneaks up on you and it sounds strange to your own ears. When the person you have become gets tired of fighting to be seen instead of who you were.When your family only knows what you tell them and you just want SOMEONE to see you and you not have to tell them what the problem is. When you see that look of pity in someone's eyes and it feels like a knife. When you want people to see where you are now but don't have the physical representation of it yet. When you get tired of trying to be a better person just for someone to tell you you aren't good enough. When you just hide from the world just because you feel like you won't be missed. When you hide from the world just because. When you need someone to recognize you have come so far.When you give your heart away just to get it broken. When someone remembers you before the pain came. When those times come, what will you do?
You can say all day long you know how you will handle it. You can take anything you want to in account but NOTHING prepares you better for something except for the actual event. You can read as many parenting books as you want, like I did, but nothing prepared me for the sleep deprivation or the overwhelming love I feel for my babies.
I was driving down the road the other day and heard this song. If you are going through anything that I listed or your own pain that won't quit. Here is this best thing that I KNOW will help and many times make it go away, guaranteed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_4g8_e16dc
Copy and paste this in your browser and listen with an open heart and mind.
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