WHEN IS IT MY TURN?

I sat in church today and looked around at the circular auditorium, the hardwood floors on the platform, the way the auditorium was built to where you walked down to get to the alter, the scrolled wood on the pews, the beautiful architecture in the room where I was sitting. I sat there and listened to the choir as if I was sitting in Heaven in the presence of Jesus. The voices were raised as if they were trying to reach Heaven but the sound was if they were trying to outdo the angels. Each song was so strategically sung and was in line with what I needed. The sermon tied into the songs and they both opened a part of me I keep quiet and poured in healing, and desire for the Lord, inside of me again. So much so, it overflowed and I sat there with the tears flowing as if they would never stop. I sat there knowing every word was true but because it was true it struck me that the truth is for me too. I had been praying for God to step in and take over. There were things I couldn't do or handle. There was no way I could MAKE it happen in the foreseeable future either. When will it be my turn to be able to tell my story of where God has brought me instead of living in it still? When will this chapter end?
                Several times, I sat across from my friends and watched them together. I know where they have been and where they are now. I saw their chemistry. I saw them work together. I heard them get aggravated at each other but it was all okay. They loved each other. It was obvious Who was in the middle of their relationship. I had heard them talk to and about each other and how they were together but never seen it until now. I selfishly sat there a few times and asked God: When is it my turn? When can I laugh and tease with someone who loves me like that? When can I share my story of how we met? When can I show others the love story God wrote for me? When is it my turn?

I want to help other people with my words and my life but how can I when I am still trying to pull myself up? The thing I realized is, I am in line. Every day pushes me closer to being where I desire to be. Every step helps me walk in the direction I am pointing myself in. Every person I speak to in some way I can help them in that second to know they are not alone. Eventually I will be in the front of the line and I will be next. I know I will never “arrive” but there are things that I will eventually accomplish. I will eventually recover emotionally and financially from the divorce. I will eventually have my degree. I will eventually be able to start my career in the field I am working towards. I will eventually meet someone that I can share my life with. I will eventually be that person who shows other people they can make it because I did. I will eventually be able to treat the ones who have helped me. I will eventually be able to have my turn. Just because it isn't today doesn't mean I have failed. It doesn't mean I am not loved. It doesn't mean I am less than someone else. It just means it’s not my turn yet. I know it will come. Until that day, I will be on the move towards those goals. I will be attempting to be patient and be ready to embrace my moment when it presents itself. When’s it my turn? I don’t know. I do know what I will be doing until it is.