WAITING

     Patience has never been my strong suit. Patience is a virtue that I am not sure I will ever master. I am a goal oriented, step by step person. I like things neat and organized in every area of my life. I have been like that since I can remember. "Let all things be done decently and in order." 1 Cor 14:40 I have taken that verse to heart. My kids memorized it. When we look at school work or their rooms it is quoted whether they succeeded or need to do better.
     I have finally figure out what I want to do with my life as far as a career goes. Therefore, I started taking courses in that field. I made up a list of things that would help my children and benefit them in the course of their lives. There again, I have been preparing them and myself in order to make them happen. I know what I want out of life. I know what my kids need. Now, where to I reside that would benefit all of us and make those two very important things a reality. What steps do I take to make sure the timing is right? Where do we go to church to make sure our spiritual needs are met outside of our own walk? How close or how far do I need to be to my family and friends? I don't know all of those answers. I thought I knew a good portion of them, then I am thrown off again. I know that when I moved to where I am now, I was hiding out. Now, I am making preparations to move towards something. I can feel it.
     God promised to take care of us. He promised He would never leave us. He is not done with me yet. I know that. The thing is, I do not operate on His time table. First of all, there is no time in Heaven. It shows! He may be on time in His mind but it feels late sometimes. There is no promise that I will make a mark on this world while I am living. Do you even know how many people didn't live to see their fame? Do you know how many people's prayers were answered long after they were in Heaven? There is no guarantee that God's promises will happen in our life time. God promised Abraham he would be the "father of many nations" and that redemption would come through his blood lines. Do you know how many generations passed until Christ came to earth through Abraham?
     I do not want to be the one that is impatiently waiting and forcing things to happen. I do not want to make a move and find out that if I would have just waited a little longer, everything would have been a lot less complicated. So, how do you determine if you go or stay? How do you know if the timing is right or not?
     We all have limitation, but one we all have in common is our inability to see the future. You know what? God has always been and always will be. I don't have to worry about my tomorrow because He is already there and knows what will happen. Some say that dependence on God is a sign of weakness. To me, it takes much more strength to know I cannot do it alone and I do not control everything. I feel like the "Cat in the Hat" juggle lots of things standing on a ball. Eventually, it is too much and everything starts crashing down and makes a royal mess. There is comfort and reassurance that we are not made to go through life alone. We not only find that in a life long partner but we find it even more so in God.
     I have cultivated some trust issues in my life, but one thing I know for sure that God has NEVER let me down. I don't know that future. I don't know whether I should move to this city or that one. I know where I want my kids to go to school. I know they need more time with their dad. I know what I want to do for a career. Those are the things I know. Now I just need to build on those and connect the unknown to what I know. It will not fall together tonight. I will need God's help to make anything happen. See, I am already moving towards my "something" and I haven't even gotten out of my chair yet. Fighting our own mind is sometimes most of the battle. I have some things I want to accomplish with my life. Finding out how all that fits into the equation will help me resolve my present dilemma.
     Patience? Ha! Yeah, I am working on that. Finding out my goals and dreams? Check. Doing what is best for the kids? Check. Where do I go from here? Wait. Who do I travel through life with? Friends, family and God. Anyone else is part of the unknown. If we knew how the story ended we would never read a mystery novel. Part of the adventure is putting together the clues ourselves. Life is definitely an adventure and I just need to be prepared as possible and do my best with the rest.