I used to get really frustrated with people that needed help but wouldn't seek out someone to point them in the right direction. Now, that I have needed help and have actually swallowed my pride and sought out advice or help in general, I now understand why people do not get help. Some people will give you a hand up and some give you a hand out. With the hand up, there are no strings, only honest compassion and a desire to see your life improve. With a hand out, there are strings attached. It gives them the unspoken right to tell you what to do in your life, with your kids, with your money, with your career, with your dating life, etc. I have been there. With some people, you think it will change because they are your friends or family, so you fall for it every time. Just to have them say, "Well, you owe me...; Remember the time I..." It makes you feel so helpless. No thank you!!! I will make a million mistakes before I listen to your advice. I will sleep in my car before I let you try to dominate my kids or talk down to me to make yourself feel more in control. Huh uh!! Is that the right kind of attitude. Probably not. I have been in different types of relationships with people that have made me feel this way throughout my life. At those different times, I responded in different ways. I know you have been there. I still struggle with it. In one way, I distance myself from those people and in some cases, they have no contact whatsoever if they cannot control me. In some cases, I pretend it doesn't bother me a bit, because eventually they will find someone else for a puppet. I am not applying for the job.
Why does it have to be that way? It doesn't. I have heard the statement so many times in my life and was in Sunday school the other day and she said touched on the same thing, we have all said something like, "They come to me for advice and won't take it. They continue to do the same thing and have the same story so I am just write them off. I am tired of trying to help someone that won't be helped." We do that don't we? We may know the right words and the right advice, but it may not help those particular people. Maybe it will help them, but they just don't do it. Should we write them off? Should we stomp our feet and say that we are through with them? Doesn't that sound a bit controlling? I am so glad that God doesn't give up on me like that. I am so glad He doesn't forget about me because I am not obeying or doing what I should, when I should do it. I am so glad that He doesn't try to control me but rather allows me to be myself. When I fall, He is there without an "I told you so". We do things for people and expect a certain type of gratitude or expect a certain things in return. That my friends, is not why you do things for people. You do things for people sacrificially. You do not expect anything in return or silently hold it over their heads. We give of ourselves and our resources and expect nothing in return. Really, we may not ever see the reward until we get to Heaven or our kids could be the one to reap the benefits.
I have been around very controlling people my whole life. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I have a dad. I am not married. There is not a man that is the head of my household right now. It doesn't intimidate me or make me feel like I have been "put in my place" when my dad, another man or woman tries to push me around or tell me how it is, should be or they want it to be. I have been there and done that. Most of the time, I let people say their peace and leave it be. It doesn't change my mind to what I am going to do with my day or my life, so why argue about it? Why get upset about a difference of opinion? What will it change? It will hurt a relationship in the long run. For a moments satisfaction will bring an uphill battle to recover a friendship or a family relationship. It is soooo frustrating and you feel like you need to be heard, but at what expense?
One day, I will have my home the way I want it, a man that loves me and is a second dad to the kids. One day, it will be known that my door is always open to anyone. I will have the peace I long for. My kids will not have to every worry about moving and will have their own rooms once again. My friends and family will always want to help "guide" me into whatever they want me to do, but I can still smile, nod, and tell them I appreciate their well meaning advice. Until then, I refuse to give my power away. I refuse to be bullied or treated like a child. Part of being an adult is learning when to speak and when to be quiet. Being an adult isn't the most fun I have ever had, but it can be. I do not need to force my advice, preferences or challenge everyone in my life to a duel. I do not need to control everyone and everything in my life and in everyone else's. I have a very good grasp on reality. My reality is that my life isn't an ideal situation, but it will be. I have taken this year by storm! I have the elements to make this year one that will make the history books. The elements are there but aren't in play yet but be ready.... I have the power so step back!!
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