PICTURES

   A picture says a thousand words. Have you ever thought what the picture isn't saying? I have seen countless photos, especially on FB, and I have wondered how could those people portray such happiness when I know the sadness behind those eyes. I see a girl with a half-dressed "selfie" and know why that picture has been posted. Everyone else is commenting on how beautiful that girl is, but I know what is behind the photo. I have never been good at pretending everything is okay when it isn't. I have been told my eyes practically shimmer when I am happy. I see a couple giving a shout out to the other and I know they have been in trouble for years. I just wonder if you have ever thought of the thousand words those pictures AREN'T saying. I see a couple other people admire but I know the meanness behind the smile and the venom that comes out of their mouths. I see a woman with her children on a fun day, but I know how she will feel when that picture has been snapped. There was someone missing in that picture. When they get tired, there is no one to help her carry them to the car. There is no bedtime prayers being said without a big presence missing. I see the empty eyes and know the aching hearts and wonder. A picture is a moment in time that has been captured. What happens after the flash?
   If you took a picture of me right now, you would see tired eyes and a furrowed brow. You would see drooping shoulders and my shimmer has temporarily disappeared. That photo would capture what is happening right now, but it doesn't capture my future. I will eventually get rest. The worry lines may relax. My shoulders will eventually be pulled back and the weight of the world will not be on them anymore. My eyes will have that mischievous glimmer they usually carry. My questions will have been answered and my life will start to flow more smoothly. That is what my picture would say, what about yours? I understand you cannot tell everyone everything but what are you portraying that isn't true? What happens when the truth is discovered? Distrust will be bred and you will look like a hypocrite. The main thing I decided when I started going through this new journey of divorce and single parenthood, was I would be honest and never sugar coat the truth. The truth is this has been one of the most confusing times I have ever been in. Every time I make a decision it feels like the wrong one. I am scared to do anything. I am terrified of sitting still. But wait, I am still moving because I refuse to give up. Things will come together, and it won't kill me to make mistakes. Nor will it hurt my kids in the long run if we make mistakes together. The world will continue to turn even against my protests. Eventually, I will post my photo that will portray me in the way I want and there will be no words or captions because the picture in itself will say it all.