I AM NOT IN CONTROL

    When you cannot think of what to pray because there is too much at one time, God hears your sighs. 

    When you cannot see the reasoning behind the hard times, God has a plan. 

    When justice doesn't seem to get served, God hears your frustrations.

        When you are too tired to be angry, God knows.

    When you cannot imagine why this is happening to you, God will show you.

    When it cannot happen fast enough, God's timing will be revealed.

    When you have lost it all, God is still there. 

    When you cannot sleep for the worry not allowing your mind to rest, God will take care of it. 

    When you cannot take one... more.... step, God will carry you.

    When you cannot feel Him there, God is too close to feel where you stop and where He begins.

When you have cried so much you cannot cry anymore, God is catching your tears. 

When you cannot do one more thing to make it all work, God is waiting for you to realize,

 He did it all for you. 

When all there is is confusion, God will make His way plain. 

When all the voices are overwhelming and you don't know which one to listen to,

 God's will be the still small voice.

When you feel all alone in a crowded room, God has been there.

When you see success in others with no depth, God is still just. 

When you feel like you cannot hurt because others would think less of you,
 God knows your heart.

When you are just angry and want retribution, God is the judge.

When you feel like all you do well is make mistakes, God will see you through.

When you feel unlovable, God loves you.

When you feel unworthy, God made you worthy.

When you feel ugly, God wrote "we are fearfully and wonderfully made."

When you feel like a failure, God can use you even more. 

When you can't feel at all, God is waiting for you.

When you cannot see through the chaos, God is fixing to show you the way.

When it is easier to tell someone what to do than know it for yourself, you are not alone.

  I am at a loss and that is okay. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to have all of the answers. I can be human. God doesn't love me because I attempt perfection. God loves me because He just loves me. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me less. I don't understand certain things, and I don't have to. I have to trust. That doesn't mean I haven't cried until I cannot cry anymore. It doesn't mean I don't lose sleep. It just means that I know that I am not I control. I do not "get" things going on in my life or why it seems like everything has to be so difficult. If I know nothing else in my life, I know God loves me. He is real and He loves ME. I am redeemed. He looked through time and saw my face. He knew the hairs on my head at that point in time. He knew my name. He knew the mistakes I would make and He knew what my life would be like. He knew me and He died for me. If no one else in the world existed, He would have died for me. I know that for sure. Everything else is negotiable. I am praising the Lord and thanking Him for getting me to where I am. It is up to Him if I am to go any further. I am embracing my humanity and acknowledging that I am not in control.