STEPPING STONES

   I have had such a time lately putting anything down on paper. I have been going through such a confusing time lately. Just when I think I have everything mapped out and a plan, I then I doubt myself and am thrown into a whirlwind of confusion. A great friend told me that the things we go through can be stepping stones to greater things. Another told me that something that may seem like a mistake may be a choice that had to make, to get where I am. I have went back to my original plan right after my divorce was final. I felt the most confident and felt like I was going "home" in my mind. I have went through a yo-yo of a couple months. I have went through doubt and confusion and happiness and misery. I have gone up and down and back up again. I have been in ecstasy and I have been in despair. I told another when they told me the same thing that they didn't stay there. In that, there is progress. I stayed in a "blah" state for over a year at one point in my life. When I come there again and don't remain, I know I have grown. I haven't known what to write because I was so confused myself, I didn't want to risk bringing anyone down. Life is life. It is good. It is bad. It is hard. It is easy. It is painful. It is wonderful. It is uplifting. It makes you down trodden. It is a series of choices that you must make and problems you must solve. You make those choices and solve those problems all the while your feet are moving. At the end of your life or a certain period in your life, you can look back and see what each choice resulted in. Even if you wanted to change those choices and could, you would end up making mistakes just different ones than before.

   I have people in my life that I would consider stepping stones. I have people in my life that I would consider a guard rail. I have people in my life that I would consider stumbling blocks. Each person in my life represents something. It can be a bad representation or a good one. It is up to me to classify each one and to know that everyone has a purpose, as do I in their lives. It doesn't always feel good to figure out what place each person has in your life.For example, some guys teach you what you want and some teach you what you don't want. Some show you it takes more than love to make a relationship work. Some guys are there to help you remember how to have fun and some will be there forever, whether for a friend or a love.

   With each stone I take another step closer to the life I want, the life God has planned for me. The key is to never take my eyes off the things I have learned and the goal I want to accomplish. There will be more times that I am low and confused. Knowing I will not stay there is such an odd comfort. Some of those stones have hurt me. Some were like a soothing ointment and almost made me feel refreshed. Some led me through a veil of fire and some to an oasis. Each step is leading me closer to a new goal and all of them together will take me to my ultimate goal.

   Will I never be confused again? Absolutely not. Will I always find comfort in the knowledge I have and the direction I am going? Not always. Will the questions still swirl about my head in a cloud? Sometimes.

   With each step I take, my path becomes more clear. With each step I take I am heading towards a greater "Yes". With each step I take, I know I am not walking alone. Whether or not I have a hand to hold, I have Someone that is holding me.